The year is ending in a few days; I don’t know whether I am excited cus I’ll get to write down the same ol’ New Year resolutions or I am disappointed cus my last year’s resolutions never saw the light of day. Wait, did I even have New Year Resolutions? I honestly don’t remember, lame huh?! Anyway, for the longest time, I don’t do New Year resolutions cus let’s face it, consistency and I don’t appear on the same sentence. I struggle so much to do things consistently. Maybe that’s why I am a low-key failure in a lot of things. Anyway, they say you cant do the same thing over and over and keep expecting different results; cliché I now but I am hoping to try something new this coming new year.
I am going to write my goals aka aspirations in a ‘tablet’ aka a dream board and everyday I’ll look at them and see how far I am from achieving the goal. Even the Bible says we should write down our visions; there’s power in putting stuff down on paper. They make take time to happen but they’ll surely happen. Habakkuk 2:2-3 And the Lord answered me: “Write the vision; make it plain on tablets, so he may run who reads it. For still the vision awaits its appointed time; it hastens to the end—it will not lie. If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come; it will not delay.
In the last few years I have come to learn that it is just not about writing your visions; it all depends with your commitment and your motivation towards the said goal(s). I have printed a few papers that contain something I want to accomplish in the long run but sometimes I look at them and feel nothing. Each of the fours printouts have been placed strategically such that when I am on my bed, I can look up and see one(its placed on the ‘ceiling’), one on the door, one on the wall and one inside my closet. I kid you not, sometimes I don’t see them other times I see them and feel nothing; yet other times I’ll see them and actually think about them but I’ll be too unbothered to do sh*t. So, yes, you can have a goal, put it down on paper and even print out the paper but without self motivation, you will do nothing.
I have also learnt that you don’t have to make a list of your goals/aspirations at the tick of the clock at 11:59 p.m. on that day. You can make them as need arises; when something shifts in your life and you decide, mmhh, I can fly with this one. Don’t limit your mind to making them at the start of the year; you can make them even on November, one month to the end of the year and still accomplish them. If I told you I had not thought about going up Mt. Longonot at the start of the year, would you believe me? If I told you I had never thought of starting a YouTube channel all my life, would you believe me? If I told you I have never thought about affiliate marketing, would you believe me? Look at me now; with an experience of a lifetime; hiking Mt. Longonot. Look at me now; with a YouTube Channel and an affiliate blog. They are not where I would love them to be in terms of content because inconsistency happens but I know I am getting there. You get the drift though; just start whenever the bug bites you. The most important thing is for you to get to the end result; it doesn’t matter when you start, what matters is the end result.
The good thing about this life is that every day, every week, every month, every year is a chance to make all the wrongs right. It is a chance to start afresh; easier said than done but for a person who’s still learning the power of positive thinking (read me), the possibilities are endless!
To tell you the truth I have learnt so many things in the last one year and specifically the last half of the year than I have learnt in my entire 30 years. Yes, I know it sounds cliché from here to Timbuktu but the good Lord knows I have gained so much wisdom.
Am I proud of my achievements? Yes of course, duuuuh! Am I mad at self cus I made a whole lot of stupid mistakes? No, cus guess what; I would not have learnt a thing if everything was all smooth. Sigh! This whole post sounds so cliché but every single sentence resonates with my situation right now it is ridiculous!
Happy New Year! Yes, I know its too early but I just want to be the first to wish you good tidings.
I don’t know how to make it sound like a sigh of ‘it’s been quite some time since we were here* but we are back here now. I know I need to up my consistency game cus lets face it, I cant be consistent to save my neck. Anyway, I trust you have been well and I’m going to try and be consistent for the next few weeks even if it is the only thing I’ll accomplish before the year ends. I will try and do two posts per week, so help me God!
So, sometimes back I went for a team building event never mind we don’t work in the same company; it was the first time I met some of those people, well, minus the event organizers. There were many activities but one event got me thinking the other day and it was the inspiration behind this post. We were grouped into three and two people were to stand facing each other while the middle one would have their back to one of the two..Does it make sense though 😀 ?
The catch was to have the middle one swing back and forth; completely letting themselves go hoping the person behind or the person in front would catch them lest they fall. The other catch was to have your eyes closed, your hands across your chest and not move your foot in front to act as a balance; just let yourself go and the other person will catch you.
I was my turn to be in the middle and no matter how much I tried to let myself go cus I knew the other person would be there to catch me, I just could not. I would either open my eyes or I will put my feet in such a way that I’ll still support myself by the time I am landing in their arms. For starters, this behavior is for a person with trust issues, hahaha! Secondly, this is a person who still wants to be in control even after being assured that there is a person or persons in control.
So the other day I remembered that team building event and I realized how we don’t trust God will work out things for us even after He has assured us over and over again He will not let out feet slip. He has told us over and over again not to be afraid but we will pray and still try to take control over things. We are all human and we will still want to have our hands on stuff just to make sure things go well but maybe its time we let go of our fears. Its time we let God take control and just wait for things to work out cus eventually they will work at some point.
So, trust God and lean not on your own understanding; God has your back, quite literally! Just surrender and let Him work out things for you. You prayed in faith that things will work out, just trust that your prayers were heard and at His appointed time, things will definitely work out.
It’s time to take my own advice cus I worry too much!
How many times have you told yourself or anyone who cares to listen that you cant do A,B,C,D because of 1,2,3 reasons? How many times has that self limiting belief lost you a couple of life changing chances? A lot, right?
So, for the longest time I keep telling myself I cant wear multicolored pants or even skirts and what has that belief got me? Over 10 pairs of black pants and other dull colors like brown. Let’s not even get started on how I don’t have even one flowered dress. Lets not even talk about how I just recently started buying colored tops; my colors were black, brown and navy blue; never mind I tell everyone who cares to listen of how my favorite color is baby blue. Lets not even talk about of how I only have three baby blue outfits in my closet.
You must be thinking this is one weirdo of a lady. I had started believing in that weirdness until a friend’s flowered pants couldn’t fit her and her being almost the same size as yours truly, the flowered pants ended up in my closet. Initially I had bought a top that would perfectly match with that flowered pants and its like the good Lord had directed me to buy that top, hahaha!
It however took me almost 2 months to put on that outfit cus I had reasons from here to kingdom comes as to why I could not put it on. For starters, I thought it was too flowered and too screaming for a ‘work’ outfit. Secondly, that Sunday that I purpose to put it on, I just don’t have the energy to strut in heels and that is how I end up in another outfit. I have put on an outfit two times in a week because of that shoes excuse, yeup! I kid you not!
So this last Sunday I purposed come rain come shine, I must put on this outfit! And that’s how I could not get enough of myself the whole day!
So, be open to change and ideas; you never know what you are missing out in these streets cus you cant put on a yellow and white polka dotted top.
Just for the record, everything in this look is thrifted J
Cheers to more MY STYLE POSTS
Here’s your’s truly 🙂
Also, Weekend vlog
So, the other day I stumbled on a video of two girls and according to the comments, one of the girls had ‘snatched’ the boyfriend of the other. So, they were fighting and for some weird reason I watched the video to the end something I normally don’t do. The ‘snatcher’ had braids and the other one had short hair so it was easy for her to overpower the snatcher cus she’d drag her on the floor by her hair. Y’all know how painful that can get. Let’s not even imagine the braids could have been freshly done, Issapainmygirls
At some point the snatcher was stabbed on her thighs with a pair of scissors that had been to cut her hair, Lord! The things I’ll see on this internet. So, it got me thinking, if I was that man these girls were fighting over and my girl stabbed or did evil things to the other girl, maaan, I would dump her like yesterday! For starters, that is a person capable of stabbing you in your sleep if you so much uttered another girl’s name. That’s a dangerous person, a person that won’t feel anything butchering you in cold blood and continue sleeping like nothing happened. Such are the kind that scald their husbands in their sleep and leave them for dead or those people from you know where (those that destroy the family jewels). That is not love, it is obsession and y’all know an obsessed psycho is worse than a wounded lion.
I might be one of those nice girls that finish the last but I’d never lift a finger to fight another woman cus he snatched my man. For starters, a man is never snatched; I mean, he is not a purse or a handbag or just something that can be wriggled out of your hand. The ‘snatchee’ agreed to get into the trap with his eyes wide open and at some point he might have told the snatcher that he is single. What do you do if he swears by his mother that he is single? Si you fall for him. Anyway, that is not reason enough to fall for a married, engaged or a dating man. Women have a 6th sense, cliché or not and if your gut tells you he’s hooked somewhere else, trust your instincts, he sure is hooked. In such a case, engage your Sherlock Holmes skills and dig every little detail you can get your hands on. This is not about nabbing that man in his shenanigans ; it is about how to be the other woman if you decide to go down that route;
- Make sure your hair is short at all times in case the missus gets hold of you. Also, never wear dangling earring especially loops incase the missus shows up unexpectedly and you don’t have time to remove them.
- Make sure you are stronger than the missus just in case a fight ensues. You can’t be on the wrong and still not have the energy to defend you, pick a struggle girl!
- Never make your presence known to the missus. Don’t text or call the missus with an intention of taunting her. Maybe she even knows you exist and she’s strategizing on how to deal with the both of you. So, lie low like an envelope. You decided to put asunder what God has put together, live with the insignificance and live in the shadows like it was meant to be.
- In case the missus gets hold of your a** and you think fighting back is the best option, think twice. For starters, if you are the tiny type like yours truly, run for dear life; you cant win that battle. If there’s no way of running away and of course she’s overpowering you, just play dead and trust me she’ll leave alone cus she’ll think you are unconscious or even dead. Fighting back will only get yo a** whooped a proper one and you’ll be left feeling like a tractor run you over.
- Make sure there’s something unique about you and thats why the man wants you and not her. You cant be basic and expect me(missus) not to feel wounded. Even if you are a few extras, it’ll still hurt but it’ll hurt more if you are just basic.
- Make sure you are not friends with the missus; the betrayal is even worse if you are friends or acquaintances
As for the missus;
Let them know that you know what they are up to. Then sit back and strategize on how to deal with them. Beating her up or scalding her shouldn’t be some of the strategies though; be smart. Besides, how many women will you fight in the name of protecting your man? ME: I love myself too much, that might man might as well fight for me by zipping up, emotionally or otherwise. In case you are wondering, there’s physical and emotional cheating or even both; story for another day.
Have a cheat free week 😉
Hear this, White Fairy stories start with once upon a time. Black Fairy stories start with, yo, you are not going to believe this. True or false? Anyway, I am starting mine the white way though its a Kenyan/Worldwide story. So, sometimes back someone asked for my help and after I slept on it, I offered to help. Few days after, they needed the same help to be constant; twice or thrice a week. I was taken aback and my money loving self got an idea…Why dont I charge for this help? Can you believe that?! We haggled over this help and out of frustration they asked me to keep money out of it.
At the back of my mind I told myself, fair enough, no more money is going to be mentioned anywhere. However in my physical self *chuckles*, I asked them, whats in it for me? So we(I) came up with a plan where both of us would benefit from each other and at the end of the day, everyone goes home happy. We are yet to make use of the devised plan and to tell you the truth, I dont even know if I want to go through with it.
The weeks that followed had me thinking how we have been accustomed to scratch my back I scratch yours it is ridiculous. Sometimes back I helped someone in their time of need and I didnt even charge them a cent for whatever. Few years later, I was in the same predicament they were in previously and of course I expected them to help me as a way of returning the favor. They did come through but it was short lived; it came with a few conditions that I religiously followed but it didnt end well. Needless to say *Chuckles*(I have always wanted to use this phrase), yes we see eye to eye but the relationship is obviously strained.
Where were we? We all know that part of the Bible(sorry for y’all who dont subscribe to this school of thought though I know, you have a similar one) where we are supposed to help but our right hand should not know what our left hand is doing. However, it is human nature to want to get help(returning favor) from someone we had helped. Trust you me most people help because they know at some point they’ll need this same person to chip in when needed. It is alright to want help from them but it is not alright to make it sound like its your right.
We’ll lend money to our friends cus at some point, they should come through for us. We babysit because at sometime, they should babysit for us. We do practically everything because the same help should come through for us at some point. Is it ok to expect the help right back? Yes and No. Yes because we are humans and we wont mind the help(favor) if it comes through. No because, they might not be in a position to help at that particular time. Unless of course this person is used to asking for favors all the time and when it is time to return them even once they vanish into the thin air. There’s only a thin line between being nice and being carried for a fool. Some people are users and they’ll exploit your good nature to the last drop of your blood.
I know I have said that we should learn to expect less from humans but we can only do so for so long. We all need affection and kindness from our fellow humans at some point. All I am saying is, be open to everything; that the help might come from your buddies or family, or it might come from a complete stranger. Either way, dont hold grudges that it didnt come from where you expected; just forgive them. Easier said than done, HUH?!
CHEERS TO THE NEW MONTH 😉
I have always told everyone who cares to listen of how I want to become a man-Raila Odinga in my next life. Well, that keeps changing depending on the circumstances at hand. Why do I want to become a man in my next life? There are so many reasons if I start listing them now I might take the rest of this post just explaining. One thing that stands out though is the fact that men get away with a lot of shenanigans and well; I could get away with some of them. A few things however make me re-think my wish; one of them being how a man can woo a girl for eons and every darn time he gets rejected he tries harder. Me: I cant put up with that sh*t for whatever reason. If that person has already told you in not so many words they don’t want you in their life, why do you feel the need to try a third and a fourth time? Call me a quitter but I love myself too much; rejection aint my cuppa
Anyway, we are talking about the just concluded elections. Yes, I know you are already rolling your eyes so hard cus you wanna put elections in the past. However, before your eyes see the part where your hair follicles start, lets try and learn a few things from Raila Amollo Odinga or rather the Odingas. For starters, Raila is my latest role model; not like I have many of them. Do I even have role models? Story for another day. Anyway, Raila Odinga was in politics even before some of you knew how to clean their noses. Yes, he’s been in politics for more that 30 years. A kid was born; they grew up, schooled, graduated, got a job, and got married and now they have a baby or babies of their own and Raila is still in politics. I am not going to dwell on the gory details of his wins and his losses cus we all know them; however, we have a few lessons we can learn from him.
Let’s start by saying consistency is something the good Lord denied me when I was being created. I can’t be consistent to safe my neck. You know the way you are supposed to do something for at least 21 days to see results, if I do it for more than three days; I pat myself on the back. Thanks heavens for my fast metabolism otherwise this eating clean and keeping fit won’t cut it for me. I’d be looking like a baby hippo all the darn time. Anywho, matters Raila Odinga; he’s been consistently vied for a political seat every time there’s an election regardless of whether he’ll win or not. Even when all odds show that he’s headed for a loss, he still goes for it. As I said, my quitter self would have given up on the third time; I just don’t know how to take rejection. That consistency is what some of us lack and I guess I am the biggest culprit. We try the first and the second time and if we fail in both times, we hang our boots. They say the last key is the one that opens the door; well, I guess that’s why I have been out there more often than not cus I try two or three keys and call it quits.
Quitting is a word that does not appear in Raila’s dictionary. He has tried his hands on presidency for three times and he has lost on all three of them. Never did it occur to him that since he has lost twice, maybe he should have quit on the third one. Regardless of all the ridicule and supposed injustices that came his way, he still soldiered on and every time he was sure he’d clinch it. Well, lets just say we all need to have Raila Odinga as our spirit man or is it spirit animal. His resilience is something we should all admire.
However, and I know I am contradicting myself; it is good to know when to quit; to save yourself the humiliation, to re-strategize, to come up with something new. He just doesn’t know when to quit!
Need for Change
We all know doing the same thing over and over again and expecting something different is quite unreasonable. Well, he has changed political parties more times than we can count but there’s something about his strategy that doesn’t auger well with his bid for presidency. I don’t know whether it is his choice of political buddies aka advisors or it is his implementation of his party policies that doesn’t favor Raila Odinga, there’s just something that fails him. But if you ask me, his choice of political buddies might have been his greatest undoing. They say if you hang out with eagles you’ll become like them, same as hanging out with chicken (sorry chicken lovers; I love chicken just as much). If the people you hang out with do not seem to be developing in anyway, it is time to call it quits with them.
Spousal support (Ida Odinga)
Marriage is for till death do you apart; but some of y’all wont wait until then. When your spouse needs you the most is when you realize how you had not signed up for it. Ida has been RAOs support since we can remember. She’ll always show up in almost all his public political meetings. Never have we read in the blogs how she left RAO and called him unprintable names like how some of y’all clean your dirty laundry in the public. This woman is the proverbial woman in the good book; she’s ‘the good thing’ RAO found. Embracing her man even when he fails; hugs him and encourages him to try next time. I’d hate to imagine the many times she’s had to be the strength he desperately needed. How she had to go out of her way to make him feel better after all the ridicule and stuff. Raila Odinga might be strong but let’s just say Ida Odinga is stronger. It needs a different kind of strength to be the strength that the other person needs.
TO BE CONTINUED…..
I am writing this with a very heavy heart; my tiny heart cannot hold this disappointment anymore. The glam gods don’t want me anywhere near their clique! As in my face can’t hold make up for a whole day without me looking like I have been stung by bees, arrgh! Yaaani, one hour after applying makeup I’ll start having a tingling feeling and before I know it, I am looking for water or wet wipes to wipe the darn thing off. Mind you, I don’t like lots of products on my face cus the cakey feeling/look just wears my face off. My face just feels heavy and stuff.
For a few times I’d blame the sun, I’d blame the product but the other day I just realized I am meant to be a plain Jane all my life; just like the good Lord had intended. I rarely buy make up; the only item I ever bought was a compressed powder and trust me its been years. That compressed powder has seen better days. I am actually considering trashing it. The other make-up item was a Maybelline compressed powder that was actually a free gift, eeh the love of freebies might be the end of me one day. Some of you might remember a post I had made about a lotion that was threatening to de-melanin me; the Maybelline compressed powder came with it. The lipstick, I guess I pinched from my friend or my mother’s friend gave it to me; i just cant remember. I have dark eye circles and its not that I don’t get enough sleep; I just don’t know why they want to make me look old before my actual old age comes. So I ask a friend to give me some concealer to put on my dark circles cus I was feeling a little playful; I was just in a good mood. I put on the concealer and applied some compressed powder to complete the look. I am looking all glammed up and stuff; I have a slightly pink/purple lippie and I could not get enough of myself.
Infact I went ahead and asked for the price of the concealer so that I can buy mine and stop borrowing make-up. She mentioned the price and my jaw fell down; I couldn’t believe that tiny thing was going for almost 2K. Maybe its not even much money but my penny pinching self finds it a bit too much. Anyhow, I am going through the day, admiring my face, working; practically minding my own business and then I realize my face is feeling a bit swollen. So I start moving my face muscles and it occurs to me my face is actually swollen on the areas I had applied the concealer.I ran to the washroom and cleaned my face and applied Vaseline.
I just sat there and complained to the owner of the concealer and made up my mind I’ll never apply anything close to make-up on my face ever again! Lets not even start with weaves and wigs; story for another day. So, if you see me with blemishes all over, dark circles and stuff, just understand the make-up gods don’t want me anywhere near them. I’ll just remain a plain Jane just like the good Lord had intended it. Besides, it is the inner beauty that matters, right?! Yah! I am fearfully and wonderfully made 🙂
Do you remember that time you ordered something from Jumia, or Kilimall or even Amazon? How many times did you order the same item? Once, right? Also, that time you went to that restaurant and ordered a meal, how many times did you order the same meal, I suppose it is once. You definitely sat pretty like a good person cus you knew it’ll come any way. You didn’t keep on bugging the online shop personnel or that waiter because you knew it’s just a matter of time and you’ll have your whatever. So what happens when you pray about something and you have to keep on praying about the same thing over and over again? Isn’t that like bugging your Maker? I know the good book says He’ll never get tired of us going back to Him but a soul can only take too much. This kind of nagging shows Him how small your faith is.
Praying/asking for something over and over again doesn’t make it come quickly; what matters is the amount of faith you have. Pray once and then start thanking Him cus you know it’s just a matter of time and you’ll have your prayer request honored. No one likes an entitled spoilt brat as their child; that’s why you feel offended when your child or your friend makes you feel like it’s their right when you do something for them. Same case happens with God and with the Universe; be thankful and you’ll have even more than you bargained for.
I may not be where I want to be but I have learnt that praying and waiting patiently without complaining is better than nagging and obsessing over it. Have positive vibes that at the right time, you’ll get what you have been patiently waiting. Start acting like you already have it and you’ll be surprised of how easy and fast it is to get what you want. Faking it till you make it has never had a better meaning
So, start this month with gratitude; for all that you have and all that you are expecting.
HAPPY MONTH FOLKS! ITS GONNA BE A GOOD MONTH, I HAVE A STRONG FEELING ABOUT IT!
The other day one of my colleagues was to take us on a road trip, Shi and I, well, he was also part of the road trip. He however decided to bring along his crush which was ok with me until Shi pointed out how awkward that would be. I thought to myself, mmhhh, come to think of it, it’ll be awkward. Any who, it was already late and I couldn’t backtrack on my decision since he had asked if I was ok with it and I had said yes.. The D-day is here, we meet, we get to the car, awkwardness is already setting in and we are wondering how much we would ENDURE before we get to our destination. I guess the universe heard/saw our dissatisfaction because the car developed problems even before we left Nairobi County. And we happily exited from the car; eeeh, how sadistic can we get?
Same weekend on Sunday I pop into this salon after church cus my hair needed some TLC. Salons in my hood don’t need you to make an appointment, so you just pop in and have your hair done. This particular day though, everyone was busy and she decided to get me someone else to do my hair. I had to go to her salon to have my hair done. My hair is washed and blow dried and as we all know, once someone else comes in, your plaiting has to wait as she gets this easy money. Any-who, I don’t have an issue so long as it is one client; not 20 clients and yours truly has to wait. Anyway, as I wait for this client to be served, this salonist’s 4 year old daughter is being groomed to be a salonist and she decides yours truly will be her human mannequin. I sit there silently even as my head is being turned right, left and center and since I am a nice person, I let this baby practice. Any-who, she’s threatening to leave me with a broken neck and I nicely tell her to stop.. She throws a tantrum, I kid you not! Anyway, I stand my ground and she ends up sleeping out of anger.
People pleasers or is it people pleasing is a bad disease you know. We never realize we are pleasing people until we have already done it too many times, or until someone points it out. You realize I didn’t say no to my colleague bringing his crush along as much as it was supposed to be the three of us. Do you know why I might have said yes, because I didn’t want him to think I am a meanie, I didn’t want him to feel like I am selfish and stuff. I didn’t want him to say he’s changed his mind if his crush can’t tag along; beggars are not choosers J. Why didn’t I say not to the kid threatening to break my neck? I didn’t want to break her heart.
You see why we say yes to please people; for love, validation, favors (just in case we need something from them at some point). I am naturally a nice person J and I am too soft as well, so sometimes I’ll just agree to do something even though it’ll inconvenience me. Other times I’ll say no but the guilt that will eat me up is just on another level. I can’t decide whether my neediness has a lot to do with it but I am trying to understand myself as time goes by. Someone says I am quite needy, hahaha! I don’t know about that but I am trying to enjoy my own company as days go by, damn! This age thing is coming with a lot of wisdom; the things I’ve learnt since I turned a year older this year are much more than I have ever learnt in my entire life! Story for another day J
Can you say no to people pleasing? Yes, you can. How can you do that?
By knowing that you have a choice; yes, you have a choice, you have a freaking choice! You don’t have to say yes to everything. I know making that choice is the hardest but once you say no, more than once, you’ll get the hang of it. Just say no if you cant help on whatever, kesi baadaye( explanations later)
Think it over: Once someone asks for a favor, don’t blurt out a yes even before a second thought. I have this tendency of saying yes even before I think much about it. Of course once you give a yes, you are done for! There’s no going back. So ask for some time to think about it although once someone tells me they’ll get back to me, it translates into a no in not so many words. Whatever the case, after much thought you’ll know if you are in a position to agree to it or not
Love yourself! I can’t emphasize on this; I am still a long way into loving myself but I am making some good steps. We all know this validation seeking is because we don’t love ourselves enough and we think some external love will do us a lot of good. Unfortunately this external love does us more harm than good. By the time we realize what is happening, we are more damaged than we were before it came along. Put yourself first, love yourself so much until people start terming it as being selfish or being self centred.
Don’t give explanations as to why you cant: Once you start explaining yourself on why you cant, believe you me you’ll find yourself deep in. Some people just have a way of arm twisting you and being the nice you, you cant uncoil yourself from their pinky finger. You end up pleasing them at the expense of your happiness/sanity. Say no until you say what you are getting yourself into. As I said, it is OK to say no
Even the Bible says love your neighbor as you love yourself; yaani, love yourself first so that you can love your neighbor. By doing so, you don’t have to put up with people’s shenanigans so that they can give love in return..
LOVE YOURSELF, LOVE YOURSELF! I MEAN LOVE YOURSELF