What are you doing about domestic violence as an individual?

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It is exactly 1:15 a.m. in the wee hours of a Monday morning and no I am not insomniac; I have my days though but it is a once in a while kinda thing. So, why am up this very late or very early in the morning depending on how you look at the situation? So, someone tried meeting their Maker this evening but I have a feeling January still wants her here cus we are all in this Njaaanuary misery together. Why would anyone want to die in such a painful manner you ask?   I am glad you asked; they had a fight with le hubby and she thought the best way to get back at him is by committing suicide. So, they were fighting from the bedroom of course and the heat became too much so they decided to take it to the back balcony. After the final punch, nigga goes back to the bedroom and the missus decides to hang herself.

What I don’t understand is how or where she got the rope to hang herself or she had been harboring suicidal thoughts all along and she waited for the perfect moment to execute her perfect plan. Unfortunately the universe had better plans cus someone saw her just in the nick of time and called for help and who better to come for help than le hubby himself. Out of panic he just cut the rope without a second thought and the missus came tumbling down from the second floor to a hard verandah where passersby helped to remove the rope from her neck and rushed her to the hospital.

This happened too fast and I only got the full information waaaaaay after she had been rushed to the hospital. However, I had heard the whole commotion though all along I thought I was dreaming cus I had taken some tablets ( a girl been nursing a mild flu and these tablets are sleep inducing) . Then again, I thought they were muggers and she got caught up in the mayhem since I heard her say,  “Mwangi nitoe kamba” (“Mwangi please remove the rope from my neck”)after a loud scream. I am one very angry person right now because I am supposed to be seated at my desk at work at 8 in the morning and I am here jotting this down because, insomnia happened. Had those people not messed up my sleep I would not be here writing this trying to beg sleep to come.

Someone joked that getting married nowadays is like driving past the Salgaa blackspot cus it is anytime you meet your Maker. We all laughed at the not so funny joke but this is very true; if people are not committing suicide from marital frustrations, le husbands or the wives are killing them in cold blood. Every new day there’s a case of a husband killing his wife or a husband killing the whole family and then committing suicide. And this is just a scratch on the surface since the ones we see on TV or read from the newspapers are the few cases that get media coverage. What about those ones that happen in the middle of Shomakhokho (sp) or in the interiors of Turkana County and no one came forward to report or bring it to the media’s attention?

The saddest thing is that we have normalized this whole thing; we just rant on Facebook for a few days or Twitter typing RIP and later go back to our lives like sh*t didn’t go down.  Not a day passes without a domestic violence case being reported or being aired on TV or Radio; if you ask me, the situation is getting out of hand. The fast we get the situation sorted, the better because the number of children being left orphaned is increasing.  I mean orphaned cus, when one parent kills the other and the remaining parent ends up in jail for murder, aren’t those kids practically orphans cus none of their parents is in their lives? Let us not even talk about the resulting emotional damage in the poor kids. Let us not even talk about how the poor kids will end up in cruel hands of relatives and when poop hits the fan and they cant take it anymore, they end up in streets being muggers and all sorts of nuisance to the society and later maybe felled by a bullet.

Out of all this I have concluded that most people are frustrated with life and what better way to deal with their frustration than to mete it on their spouses. It is too bad that the children and the rest of the extended family are caught up in the mayhem.

So, what are you doing about the situation? Most of us will just sit comfortably in our office chairs or wherever it is that you work and blame the victim for days on end on why they didn’t run when the spouse started emotional abuse. But have you been to Kilimani mums lately or have you been on these Facebook streets and read how most humans will blame the victim? Y’all ask stupid questions about what they did to deserve such a beating or why the husband arranged for her to be raped and later her body doused in acid? Others say she was a mpango wa kando and she deserved it cus she’s a home wrecker and all sorts of BS that irk me from here to kingdom comes. Other people will urge the woman to stay on since he was a first time offender and the good book says we should forgive and blah blah blah….

Lest y’all forget, not a day passes without someone attacking single mothers (calms your titties, this is not about single mums only) and how they cannot keep a man. Those single mothers you are out there bad mouthing loved themselves and the lives of their kids more than they loved the idea of marriage. They loved their sanity more than the title Mrs. I am still single and hoping to get married someday but this Salgaa joke is starting to get me scared cuss h*t is true! Knowing that there’s only a very thin line between love and hate and life and death makes me wanna spend the rest of my life loving my son and I.

You get married to a psycho you are doomed, you choose to remain single for sanity’s sake, you cant live in peace courtesy of married humans who think marriage is the alpha and omega of this life. THERE’S JUST NO WINNING IN THIS LIFE!  So, where was I? I was saying, the society still considers one a failure if they cant sustain a marriage and this is especially blamed on women. It is even sadder that it is women who keep slut shaming fellow women for not sticking in an abusive relationship. The man is always a saint in most women’s eyes and it must be le wife who was a problem in the said relationship.

If y’all cant stand each other, what is easier, walking away or receiving daily death threats? Or watching your kids slowly get emotionally damaged every time y’all throwing punches and cooking pans in the house. Y’all need to choose your lives as opposed to a silly title that might cost you your life and that of your kids; you can live without the said spouse cus you were still living even before they became a part of your life. Forget the marriage vows, heaven will understand; I am sure that is why you have wisdom to know when to walk away and when to stick around.

If it is not working why don’t you just walk away before it is too late? Don’t listen to those saying marriage needs patience and tolerance, I don’t know kuvumilia when the said person keeps on saying they will kill you one day. As much as the good book says love is tolerant, I don’t believe in ‘treating’ black eyes cus someone made me their punching bag or washing my pillow cases daily from daily tears, hell nah! There’s better to life than daily tears from a person who’s not even related to you by blood.

Y’all need to love yourselves, something we never get to grasp. When you love yourself so much, you will find it hard to put up with some of these things. And I know y’all rolling your eyes saying I should get married first then I can talk about marriage. I have been on this earth long enough to know things I can never put up with and the ones I can tolerate. They say when you know your value, you will learn to treat yourself better and demand better treatment from others; men and women. We all know even women are not saints and they have also driven their husbands to their death plunges.

So, know what works for you and what you can’t put up with. Also, before you put that rope around your neck because a your spouse said or did 1,2,3 things, have you thought about how your kids will live after you are dead. Before you pull that trigger or throw that punch that will send them to their Maker, have you thought about your kids? Of course you didn’t, cus y’all too selfish to think about others (story for another day).

What is the church doing about domestic violence nowadays?  What are you doing as a church group leader? Do people still attend pre-marital classes organized by churches? As a church leader, do you arrange for marriage seminars every now and then? Do you have a marriage counselor in church where troubled couples can walk in without the fear or exorbitant charges they might need to fork out? Are you turning away single parents away cus they are not a complete family?

Does your school turn away kids from single parent homes cus they don’t come from a complete family and they might ‘infect’ the other with whatever? What are you doing as an individual about domestic violence? Just sitting there bad mouthing your neighbor and making sure they know how much of a failure they are cus they cant keep their marriage together? What are you doing as the married person in that violent relationship? Do you have a hand in enabling it continue by staying on hoping they will change?

What are doing as a law enforcement officer when someone reports a domestic violence case? Do you make fun of their misery? Do you accept bribes from the abuser so that you can release them? Do you issue P3 forms as fast as possible or do you first ask for a bribe before you can issue it? What are you doing as a doctor treating the domestic violence victim? Do you accept bribes from the abuser to get them off the hook by writing what they want you to write? You know by doing that you are enabling the abuser to continue doing it, right?

As a parent, when your daughter comes back to your house after a series of abuses, do you make them feel like a failure? Do you make them feel like a burden to you? Did you push them to get married to that person cus they were monied and your selfish needs came before the needs of your child. Do you keep accepting bribes from your son-in-law every time your daughter comes home after being abused and you still allow her to go back to the slaughter house she calls a marriage?  Do you listen to your in-laws more than you listen to your child? Do you keep telling your daughter to put up since you also put up with it and you are still alive as they can see?

What are the Women Reps doing about domestic violence, women MPs, women leaders at large? The rate at which things are escalating, domestic violence should be declared a national disaster or there should be state of emergency about the same.THIS IS GETTING OUT OF HAND!

What is your contribution in all this domestic violence issue? What are you doing about it? These are the million dollar questions we all need to answer and maybe, just maybe, we will have better homes and an even happier society. I still don’t understand why Uhuru Kenyatta didn’t create a Happiness Ministry and get us a CS for that post. It’d have come in handy now that we are all employing our spouses to make us happy.

Also, this is not how I had imagined my first post of 2018 will be but eeer, somebody gotta put it out there, right? And this post was signed off at 3:15 a.m, I am now sleepy.

 

 

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