Fun fact: married men who have their wives or whole family (nuclear family) as their social media profile pictures are the worst cheats; well most of them. I cannot begin to tell you the disgust I feel every time one of them is in my inbox professing their undying love, in fact, I throw up a little in my mouth every damn time, arrgghh! See why I still want to come back as a man in the next life; so that I can shamelessly hit on single women while badmouthing my wife and feel zilch about it!
Dear married man, just in case you hit your head on something hard when you fell in lust with me, had a serious concussion and suffered a mini amnesia, let me remind you that you are MARRIED! I am so sorry that you fell but I am sure the concussion is getting better now, so could you please leave me the hell alone! I am also sorry that your ears and in this case your eyes stopped functioning properly when you started getting better because I have continually reminded you that you are married and a respectable family man(I am sure you also forgot that part of being a family man). However, for some weird reason that part also keeps on escaping your mind.
Dear married man, telling me that you have never found yourself wanting to have a side babe because you are a church person, but you wouldn’t mind committing a sin with me this once does not make me feel special. It makes me roll my eyes so hard I just don’t know how I still have them intact. It makes me wonder just how committed are you to your God and your family.
Dear married man, bad mouthing your wife to me because you want to get laid just makes me feel sick! Yo, you made your bed, so could you please get into your jammies and lie on it without complaining. Telling me that she doesn’t shower properly, she’s abusive, she’s gloomy all the darn time and all the flimsy reasons that you give to get laid just make me feel like slapping the BS outta you. How did you get to that part of getting married if she wasn’t neat and jovial as per your standards? Besides, she’s getting gloomy and smells of baby puke because she has to deal with a colicky baby and a hyper toddler all day, but you can’t give a hand because you are shamelessly messaging other women. Don’t you feel an iota of shame though?
Dear married man, I don’t want your ‘listening ear’ because you think I am so lonely and you are the only one who can save me from this boredom. I am very much ok and if I wanted a listening ear and a shoulder to lean on, I have my friends to do that; if they can’t, I have my journal to pour my feelings into. Thanks but no thanks.
Dear married man, I don’t need your compliments to make me feel beautiful. I know I am beautiful and telling me I am beautiful is only confirming what I already know; sorry for my humble bragging J. It is ok to appreciate a God’s creation but don’t use it to try and get laid. Appreciate your wife more J
Dear married man, you are ruining the picture perfect image I have for my future husband. I would like to continue pretending that he will not be as disrespectful as y’all. I would like to pretend that he will not put me and our kids as his profile picture on Facebook or on WhatsApp then go ahead and shamelessly solicit for sex chats and sex on Messenger and the like. I would like to pretend that he will not go telling young single ladies that he is in the process of separation or divorce, so that he can get laid as many times as possible. I would also like to pretend that he will not ‘kill me’ in order to get laid and maybe even sire a baby or two just to show you single lady that he loves you. I would like to continue pretending that he will have his wedding band on all the time and that he will wax lyrical about me to anyone and everyone who cares to listen. Most of all, I would like to continue pretending that he will NEVER have eyes for another!
Dear married man, I just want to wait for my future husband without disturbance from you, is that too much to ask? I just want to be HAPPILY MARRIED when the time comes, just like you, please stop ruining the perfect image of that perfect marriage, please!
Please start having eyes for your wife and your wife only; betrayal is not a PRETTY THING, not at all! Guard your vows to her like your whole life depends on it; it’s the least you can do.
Sigh! Aint it funny how unmarried humans have the best advice for married humans?