What I still don’t know up to now is why I still think about you. I don’t know why I keep mentioning you in my prayers. I don’t know why I keep seeing you everywhere I go, I just don’t know. You know what I hate the most, that I am still in love in you. I HATE THAT I LOVE YOU. It’s like an obsession, it’s like you are my favorite drug, that I have to have even when I know it’s bad for my health, yes my health, for my heart. Just like crack addicts keep promising themselves that they will stop smoking crack, I keep promising myself that I will stop thinking about you. I just can’t, you don’t know how many times I have promised myself a gift if a day will pass without you crossing my mind but I still do. Every time I see your name my heart skips a beat, I get butterflies in my stomach, it is like the first time you offered me a glass of juice as I was seated on the stairs getting some afternoon sun. I still remember that initially I had declined the offer but after you insisted I agreed. The glass of juice was the start of good things to come and bad things in between. The hot chocolates and cookies every evening after college, some nice Michael Jackson Music and oohh! your good humor. I hated our silly break ups but I loved the make ups.
I should still be suffering from puppy love but I guess I want to suffer from it all my life. The only tragedy is that I am my own prisoner. I can’t seem to be making a head or a tail about where I am headed to. I am so stagnant, thanks to this puppy love, sometimes its sucks… It kills me inside that you are in somebody else’s arms, too unfortunate I can’t do a thing about it. The much I have done have yielded nothing, so I am leaving it just the way it is…Wait! Am I giving up on you? Not yet…But what I don’t understand is, why I am still holding on to it. I am a very impatient person, I give up at the sight of the slightest disappointment but this, this, I am still hoping, crossing both my fingers and my toes until they are painful and literally praying that I will have you back. I guess, no, I am sure that I am still in love with you. I know I should have moved on like yesterday but there is just something that still keeps holding me back. I HATE THAT I STILL LOVE YOU! I have dreamt with you a million times and every time I wake up, I want to hold on to those dreams for the rest of my life. Never to wake, to always dream with you. Like yester night I had a dream, I dreamt tasting your lips, they tasted so sweet, the warmth of your breath on my neck was just heavenly, and it felt heavenly good to hold you….*alarm rings* and I woke up….
I miss waking up to your handsome face, to your sweet lips ad to the rhythm of your heartbeat…I miss, no , I miss you is an understatement!! If there was a stronger word I would have used it, just to let you know how much I miss you. I miss kissing you in the morning, adjusting your tie every now and then and just the smell of your cologne on my clothes after I had hugged you goodbye. I miss your kisses on my forehead. I miss you. I miss your tight hugs at night, every time you turned you had to hug me from the back and every time I turned I would hug you from the back. With my hand on your heart, I would listen to your heartbeat until I would drift to sleep. I miss you, I miss you so much.
Every time I prepare mashed beans and rice, it always reminds of you. I loved it when you prepared it for us. Omelette and rice, mmhh…I can still remember how better it tasted every time u would prepare it. God knows I am still so much in love with you…call me love sick, call me whatever, but I want you back…I want you back into my life, to awaken my almost dead heart, to awaken my dead feelings, I need you back. You might never read this and in the event you do, just know that I am still waiting for you. Know that I am still in love with you. I know I should get a life and let you be but it’s just hard. Somebody tell him to read this, somebody tell him that I am still in love with him. I guess what they say is right, that you never stop loving somebody, that you only learn to live without them….I have not stopped loving you…. I might never stop loving you….yes, I STILL LOVE YOU….I STILL LOVE YOU SO MUCH….
Come back to me, come and take me away, to a far off place where we make love in the clouds…where we can watch the sun come up and go down just the two of us….come back my love, my hands are open for you…come baby come…..I miss you….I miss you so much……
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