Receiver: Hey, I’m fine, how are you? And the small talk goes on and on.
The truth is, the receiver of the call might be going through a lot but we have all perfected the art of lying. Yes, these days no one gives two rats asses about anyone other than themselves; so its alright to keep problems to self. I mean, we all have problems to solve; ours and our families to solve. So, why would anyone want to burden another with theirs? Anyway, this is not about what is ailing the world; well it is in a small way. On a second thought, lying is not a small thing; it is a huge thing. I mean we lie about everything and anything. The most worrying thing is that it has become the norm and we have accepted it. It is sad that we lie even when it does not benefit us with anything. We’ll lie to spare someone’s feelings, we’ll lie when we don’t want to hang out with them, we’ll lie and lie some more. Is it ok to lie? Even when you need to save your neck? The answer is NO- a resounding NO!
Did you know lying about everything is a condition? Yes, lying is a disease. But I know what you are thinking; that some of these disorders are a creation of the whites trying to mint money from unsuspecting citizens. People who lie to save their necks and maybe just for the heck of it are said to be pathological liars. Pathological liars will lie even when there’s nothing to gain. Most of these lies are quite transparent and you can tell they are lying. Sometimes you’ll confront the liar but sometimes you just want to see them make a complete fool of themselves. It’s no brainer; lies are the main cause of strained relationships all over the world. Even a small lie can ruin everything you have nurtured for years and years.
How to spot ‘em pathological liars
There’s no pharmaceutical medication to pathological liars. Pathological lying can either be genetic or it can be picked. Pathological lying is a mental illness and it can also be a symptom to other disorders like psychopathy, and other antisocial disorders like personality disorders. So, if you have that friend, colleague, family member who lies about everything and anything; maybe its time to nag them to see a shrink. Lying is like an addiction and we all know addictions are bad for our health; mental or psychological.
Pathological liars are attention seekers. As I said earlier, lying is an addiction; its like they get a high when they lie. Look closely at people who have attention-seeking behaviors; they also tend to be pathological liars. Attention seekers are needy people and their lying also comes in handy when they are trying to get the attention they desperately need. What do you do with attention seekers? Ignore them, or maybe give them an ear but don’t act on their neediness. Better still, tell them you know they are lying and you are not moved. Easier said than done but in the end, next time they’ll know better than to lie.
Acting as the victim all the time; pathological liars as noted earlier are attention seekers. They will make the situation looks so bad just so they can come out as the victims. These are the people who will lie they are suffering from one illness to the next. They are always broke; life has been hard on them for one reason or the other. It is even sad cus some of them drag their kids into the mess. If its not the first born who’s sick, it’s the third born who has just been discharged from the hospital. I will never understand how people lie about their health or that of a loved one. Call me superstitious but I always imagine I might lie that I’m sick and then become sick for real.
Dealing with pathological liars
Tell them you know they are lying and later tell them you are not moved.
Book them for a session with a shrink
‘Give them eyes’ –I mean, refer to the first remedy
Do you take milk or yoghurt and hours later you have a serious tummy upset? My friend thinks such ‘conditions’ are only for rich people. Tell you what; I don’t take milk cus it leaves me with serious tummy upsets. Well, sometimes I do but only when I’m sure I can handle the upsets. Like today I took ugali with milk and lets just say I have not had peace for the better part of the afternoon, bloating and all. This condition is called lactose intolerance and I never thought people can ‘pick it’ even in their adulthood. I used to take milk alright, until I realized every time I took milk I would get a tummy upset.
Milk is like a super food; has a lot of nutrients to benefit from. Staying away from milk is not a good thing cus we miss out on so many benefits. So, in my quest to know how to take milk and not get stomach upsets; I discovered a few things about lactose intolerance. For starters, there’s no cure for lactose intolerance; you can only manage it. Lactose intolerance can arise from 30 minutes or even after two days; so you need to be on the watch out if you experience any of the following signs after consuming milk or milk products;
Tummy upsets like stomach ache and bloating
Nausea and in serious cases vomiting
Headaches or migraines
Milk products have a certain type of sugar known as lactose. To be able to digest this sugar, the small intestines will need to produce an enzyme called lactase. (Let’s see who can still remember their high school biology). Lactase breaks down the lactose in the milk/milk products into galactose and glucose that’s easily absorbed by our bodies. Woe unto you if your body does not produce enough lactose. This inability to produce enough lactase is what we suffer from; lactose intolerance. The signs arise when the body can’t digest the lactose and even if it is digested, it is not absorbed into the body properly.
How to manage lactose intolerance
You can take a break from dairy products until you figure out how to go about it
Use organic fermented dairy products; fermented products improve the rate at which digestion of dairy products takes place. They also help in spurring the digestion of other foods.
Try using goat milk; goat’s milk is easier on our digestive system as compared to cow’s milk. Goat’s milk contains less lactose, its high in fatty acids and it’s easily digested and absorbed into the body. It takes less time to digest and it’s richer in iodine, phosphorous, potassium and many other health benefits. It is also friendlier to people with casein insensitivity. Therefore, start looking at goat’s milk from another perspective. I’m willing to try it someday…
Try digestive enzymes that have lactase; Take natural digestive enzymes tablets before any meal (dairy) to ensure all foods are digested.
Bone soups; bone soup is good in so many ways and it helps the body overcome some intolerances like lactose intolerance. It improves joint health, boosts immune system and helps in reducing cellulite. It’s better to boil grass-fed beef/animal bones or free range chicken because boiling transforms magnesium, calcium, sulfur and phosphorous thus making them easier to absorb. Gelatin and natural collagen helps to ease food allergies and intolerances like lactose intolerance
Incorporate food rich in calcium for example kales(cooked), sardines, broccoli and raw cheese
Foods rich in vitamin K; most people who lack vitamin K will suffer from lactose intolerance because calcium plays a big role in absorption as well as bone health.
Watch out for lactose in processed foods!
So, don’t give up on milk and milk products yet; try out the few things listed above. You’ll have less painful tummy upsets and still get the full benefits of milk. As I said earlier, lactose intolerance cannot be treated but you can manage it.
Do you ever feel like you are stuck in a rut? You know, your daily routine becomes painfully boring and you find that sometimes you are losing track on what you are doing. Or worse still you keep on making mistakes when you are working. Just like when you got tired while revising for an exam and you kept reading the same line 3 times and you didn’t grasp a thing. That was me last weekend; I could not concentrate at work and when Kamwana announced there would be a holiday on Monday, elated would not even describe what I felt. I badly needed a break and the good Lord heard a girl’s prayer. I was to take a break at some point anyway but that would have meant eating up my leave days which is not part of the plan if I can avoid it. Some people would say I just woke up and I decided to travel; it had been a plan all along its just that I was still looking for the perfect date.
On Saturday afternoon I took a Mathree to Nanyuki. I had taken the best seat, just close to the window, close to the driver to minimize bump shocks and all. I was to read a book I had carried just in case I got bored along the way. Let’s just say the book didn’t get out of my bag. I was too carried away into my thoughts read the book. The driver and the two people who sat with him were also too entertaining to get bored. What’s with the stories ranging from young men being ‘kept’ older women and the like. At some point one of them alighted and it was just the two of them; the stories continued and the journey was all good. Seated next to me was a man who kept on making calls so loudly you would think he was quarrelling the person on the other end. That was quite alright with me cus the driver and the other person were keeping me entertained. The entertainment was short lived when we got to Sagana and most of you know there’s a market of some sort. The vehicle was stopped for people to make whatever purchases, stretch, get something to eat et.al. You would think we were going to Mombasa or somewhere just as far. I sat put as people bought and sold and all hell broke loose when the buying and selling was all over.
This my neighbor discovered they speak the same language with the person next to him on the other side. And that was the start of my predicament. It’s ok for people to talk but it’s not ok to talk loudly and in a language you can’t understand. It’s bad manners to eavesdrop on people’s conversations but eeer, sometimes we just can’t help it. I mean you can’t stuff your ears with cotton wool or something close to that. I have a problem with people who talk so loudly in the morning especially when I’m going to work. My friends think I’m always cranky in the morning. I just hate noise especially in the morning, never mind sometimes the matatu’s radio is so loud. I mean where do they get the energy to talk that early? Can you imagine they talked nonstop from Sagana until I alighted? And this was amid phone calls; I could not help pitying his family members who have to endure his ‘quarellling’ everyday of their lives. I wondered how he quarrels people if his normal way of talking can be termed as quarelling.
So, one minute I am all angry and pissed at this guy cus he can’t talk like normal people and the next minute I am biting my lower people trying to stifle a laughter cus of the driver and the co-driver. I have heard poverty stories over and over again but there was something about their stories. They were just hilarious in a funnier way. For the better part of the journey, it was the driver who was talking and the other person contributed here and there. It was mostly about jiggers; the art of removing them and making sure they didn’t return to the same spot. Y’all know jiggers are associated with poverty and poor hygiene. But what made it even funnier is his description; you know there’s a way two people can be describing the same thing but one will come out funnier. His most torturous scenario was going to school after jiggers had been removed the previous night. There was a specific wild fruit that they used to apply to make sure the bugs didn’t attack again which was as painful as hell. When it was play time and they had to play football on the grass and he had no shoes on was just as bad. Then he would hit the ball with his ‘wounded’ foot and he would wince in pain thus forcing him to sit and watch as the others played. I’m sure y’all have heard this story over and over again; I wonder why people have to glorify poverty in the name of motivating others. I got to my aunt’s house with the mother of all headaches partly from all the noise and hunger pangs from hell. My metabolism rate is quite something else.
Its Sunday and I’m up early to go to church; I still don’t know how I sat for the sermon for a whole four hours although we sang in between. After the church we go to get a bite before heading home. And guess where we ended up; Nanyuki Sports Club. There was a rugby game that I didn’t know about until the said Saturday. So had I been a rugby fan, I would have hit two birds with the same stone; unwinding while watching the game. Unfortunately, I am not a sports person.
If you are looking for a venue to host an event, a day out with friends or family or a place to play golf, Nanyuki Sports club is the place to be. Maybe I should suggest the place to my boss for team building manenos although I have a feeling he has been there a number of times. You can opt to be a member which, comes with a few privileges like free entry when there are games and some other events. There’s also temporary membership which starts at Kshs.500 per person depending on the event. There are also rooms for guests and they come in hut shapes. I didn’t get to go into any of them, but I bet they are just as good.
We sit and ask for a drink before we make our order. The waiter brings us club soda in a mug that resembles (I mean the size) the jugs in Karumaindo pubs and the like. Let’s just say that this particular club soda is the most divine drink I have ever taken. My aunt wont tell me what else was in it but it was just divine; there were pieces of lemon, water melon and pineapples in the drink. I had to sip mdogo mdogo to just savour it. Then came the most delicious fish I have ever eaten; not too spicy and not too bland. Just the right taste; it came with fries and any vegetables toppings that tickled your taste buds. I opted for greens cus I don’t like kachumbari as such; it leaves my mouth feeling dry and my taste buds all messed up.
I thought marabous are only found in Nairobi, shock shock; these birds can be quite unsightly especially their necks (that part of the neck that hangs out). Me thinks the food ends up there and when its full, its starts going to the stomach, tihihihi. Another thought is, that part of their necks could be their gizzard. They are so big they can snatch your food right from your table without straining much.
Nanyuki Sports Club is quite vast in terms of open land and when there are no games, there’s enough space for kids to run around and still not get to the end. For golf lovers, this is one of the best golf courses. For people hoping/trying to keep fit, there is a fully functional gym with instructors et.al, the field is quite big for jogging and there’s a swimming pool.
The best part of the Nanyuki sports club is that you get to view Mt. Kenya. I have lived in Nanyuki for quite some time and Mt.Kenya is better viewed early in the morning; the peaks (ice and all) are quite conspicuous and glorious does not even start to describe it. I’m still planning to go up there one day; its still one of my things to accomplish. However, it can get quite cold, so make sure you are warmly dressed for evenings. I guess that’s where I got a flu I am nursing. For pictureholics like your’s truly and Shi, there are lots of places to take pictures. I have been using my phone to take pictures, but I’ll get a nice camera soon. Eeeeeer, I am planning to join e ‘em fashion bloggers too; I guess I have come of age in fashion manenos. Be the judge though J
Yester night as I was going home from my friend’s, I passed by a couple seated on a foundation of an abandoned building. For some weird reason I found myself smiling so hard, thanks God it was quite dark cus some people I met would have wondered what was. I could not help imagining how all the sweet nothings were making her giggle like a little girl. His hand was on her shoulder and I could imagine the butterflies in her stomach and the tingly feeling. See, when you are in love nothing else matters; its just you and your love interest. I could imagine her feeling all warm in her face and probably tearing at the corner of her eyes just feeling all so loved. Probably just before she goes home she’ll get a kiss and if the guy is a pervert will try to touch her boobie with the other hand down there trying to reach her panties if she was in a trouser or a skirt. I can imagine her pushing him away and the guy insisting on going on and on. Yeah, yeah, don’t give me that eye of ‘who have you been dating’?
That picture reminded me of my first kiss and let’s just say I still cringe at the thought. It was one of the most awkward moments of my life and well, I still wish I kissed my first love/crush instead of that first kisser. I have always heard stories of how first kisses were sweeter than the honey itself and given a chance, Lord knows I would have wanted to kiss my first time crush. My only wish is that the kiss would have been better, you know with emotion and all. Who kisses a girl when their hands are still in their pockets? Yeup, that was my first kiss, dry lips, teeth knocking and let’s just say it, was not the best kiss ever. As much as I can remember, there were no emotions, at least not for me. I still don’t remember if he caught me off guard or I was also looking forward to the kiss. All I can remember is that there was moonlight, under some trees, just next to a stream….Yeah, yeah, just like it happens in the movies. The only difference is that this kiss was emotionless and totally awkward for me; I don’t know if he liked it. The other day I asked him if he learned how to kiss *chuckles*, yes I am ruthless like that…
And then I met this other kisser who stepped on my toes, and no it was not an accidental stepping, he kept doing it over and over again. I guess it was a way of showing domination. He was quite huge for me and lets just say scared doesn’t even start to describe me at that moment. From that time I avoided him like a plague until he moved towns. I met him sometimes back in this city (Nairobi) and he walked me home. It started raining while at the gate and being the good girl, I offered him a brolly that he brought back the next weekend. I was quite idle on the said weekend and we ended up going to Ngong Hills which infuriated my then boyfriend and I didn’t hear the end of it for weeks.
When I went to college during my internship, I met this other kisser who kissed the breath outta me. You know those kissers who kiss your lips until they start paining and you still wanna kiss. Alfred or Alfie as we used to call him had these front upper teeth that made him the sexiest being on the planet, daaamn! You know the ones that seem to lie on one another and protruding just a wee little bit. Unfortunately he disappeared on me without a trace; sometimes I am tempted to think he was swallowed by the earth. Been looking for him everywhere and no one happens to know where he went to.
As years passed by, I have kissed a few frogs and there’s nothing as horrible as a bad kiss. Eeeew, sometimes you just want to throw up a little in your mouth. And its even worse if the kiss is being forced on you; you know, you don’t like him like that. There are those who kiss like they are trying to suck the devil outta you; you know the ones who leave your lips all swollen. They leave you with a badly swollen lip and a bad taste in your mouth. Too bad they don’t notice your discomfort and they want to go on and on. The gallons of saliva they leave in your mouth is quite something else. Your face is left all wet and sticky and you can’t wait to wash it off.
Siiigh! I could go on and on about bad kissers. Unfortunately men don’t want to be told how to go about it. I guess we’ll just have to keep on buying for them books that teach how to kiss. Unfortunately men don’t take hints too well and straightforward directions don’t work either. Talk about being damned if we do and damned if we don’t.
Have a good kiss day, will yah! Humor me with your kiss woes 😀
I’ve lived in South Coast for a while and I’ve always suspected that that is where God rests his feet; what with all the pristine sand, the palm trees, the breeze, the divine orange sunset and of course the turquoise blue ocean. This suspicion became even rifer last weekend. When Ms. Pweety asked me to accompany her to the coast, Mombasa o be precise. The first question that I fired was, ‘who’s sponsoring?’See, I consider myself a Ms. Independent but you know, the Lord works in mysterious ways and I thought some brethren from Narnia had been used as a vessel to sponsor our trip to that land where God rests his feet, the Coast. My bubble was a tad busted when I realized that I was supposed to be my own sponsor and all. And I’m not allergic to freebies.
I was a tad hesitant but you know, it was Ms. Pweety’s birthday week plus it doesn’t take much to convince me to indulge in hedonism, the cost notwithstanding. I’m what financial analysts call a frivolous spender and no, I’m not Oprah rich or something. On the contrary, I live on a shoe-string budget but I happen to have this caviar taste with a K. I digress. Fast Forward, we get to the coast and all my senses come alive…like I’m approaching the throne of wellness….the fountain Zen. Even a cold that had tried to attack me the previous day was all gone in a flash. After catching a little sleep, freshening up and slipping into some really skimpy clothing, our overly kind host mentioned the magical words that I had been waiting for, ‘Let’s go to the beach…’
Nyali Beach, Mombasa
I might need an entire page to discuss how the sunset felt like a script scribed by a quill right from heaven! Like that orange horizon is the creator’s notepad! I’m already nostalgic at the thought…but that’s just me, I appreciate the small things in life.
Sunset in Tudor, Mombasa
I should mention that I am a photo junkie. I’m happiest when I’m behind or in front of a camera. My photography skills have been praised and I suspect all these people cannot be wrong and I started to snap everything and anything that I came across. Thankfully, I was in the right company. They did not condescend upon me due to this obsessive behavior of mine of snapping even the trivial stuff. And boy did I flick away!!
Our ride to and from the beach…
The night life in Mombasa is almost non-existent. The roads are quite deserted as early as 10 pm. This is quite the opposite of Nairobi. Back in the capital, life begins from 10pm and by midnight, there’s literally human traffic in the streets. We went to the club to catch 1 for the road and jiggle wobble a little because y’know, a vacation is not complete until you’ve tasted their brew and danced to their music. One thing though, Mombasa ladies know how to dress for a night out. They literally dress for the occasion. They understand that the club is not the prime place to showcase your latest pair of flat plastic shoes, hoodie and jeans. I like that!
Mombasa town by the night…
So here is the thing earthlings, if you ever sat by yourself, wedged your chin between your thumb and the index finger wondering how to thank Mother Nature for according us such a beautiful country, do head down to the coast. While there, lie on the pristine beach, close your eyes and listen to the beautiful waves of the ocean!!Only that way can you fully pay your dues.
So last weekend I decided to treat myself to a mini-vacay of some sort. I am one of those certified penny pinchers and this was the epitome of self love. I am still pinching myself while looking at the pictures I took at the beach. You see, I was celebrating 3 decades since my Maker decided to bring me into this world, I am not a birthday person; I didn’t grow up with such parties. The teaching old dog new tricks kinda thing just got a new meaning; I have never been held for a birthday party so it would feel awkward if I did hold one. Last year I went to Nakuru for my birthday week; no cakes or anything; just the out of the city kind of experience. I am trying to hold parties for my son to build the culture in him. The best thing about kids is that they are easy to please, just a cake, snacks, his friends, a gift and he’s happy about it.
Anyway, Friday came and I couldn’t wait to head to Mombasa raha. Selfies here and there inside the bus cus our host was still doubtful. I said our host because my partner in crime Shi *chuckles* was coming with me. Snacks here and there and her being the fast sleeper she left me still trying to catch some sleep. I haven’t plaited my hair in eons and since I had freshly plaited braid, it was quite uncomfortable sleeping on the seat despite having ridden on the first class cabin. Y’all know how painful the first night after plaiting braids is. I was awake the whole time, tried listening to Kameme, but at some point the frequency changed to Musyi FM. I guess this was immediately after Mlolongo or thereafter. From there the frequencies were just horrendous and I just gave up on radio. I slept on and off amidst painful limbs cus of bad sleeping positions. The person infront of me would lean his seat way too close to my feet and, lets just say my trip wasn’t as fun as I had thought it would be. Fast forward to Mtito Andei’s layover, and I knew my predicament was almost over. Shock shock, it had just started.the road from thereafter is quite bumpy and dusty, small and quite narrow. The driver was quite fast though and some minutes to six we alighted at our pick-up point.We took a tuk tuk that happens to be the taxi of Mombasa. We slept for a few hours, showered, took breakfast and off to the Nyali beach….
Being at Mombasa is just the perfect excuse for skimpy dressing. Shorts or is it hot pants and spaghetti tops all in the name of soaking in the sun. Its like we were trying to get a tan never mind we have a permanent tan *chuckles*. Mombasa people can spot watu bara from a mile away because of their dressing. They’ll comment on ‘hilo suruali’ being ‘fupi mno’but that’s just about it..Thanks heaven they are not as evil as some people in this city who undress people cus of their dressing. I still don’t understand how people down there survive in bui buis that are in pitch black in that heat, Looord! loved I am quite foodious but for some weird reason the whole time we were at the beach I never felt the need to munch on anything. I just took small sips of water here and there until some minutes to 5 when we went back to the house to shower and eat.
Shi is quite hydrophobic and she couldn’t be caught dead inside the water. I on the other hand couldn’t wait to swim in the waves that gathered once in a while. The experience was outta this world but you have to be an expert otherwise you’ll meet your Maker sooner than you think. I aint a good swimmer either but I had a human anchor who I held on to the whole time in the name of swimming. I wanted to try the floater thingy but I was too scared I might be sucked into the ocean once the waves retreated back to the ocean. Did you know whales ejaculate 400 gallons of sperm every damn time they are hitting the sack? Now I know I took in too much of that stuff cus I gulped in a few cups of the ocean water.
The sand that gets into your hair and the rest of the body is quite annoying. I still have sand in my ears and don’t get me wrong, I shower thoroughly. My body is itching like crazy cus of the fine sand or so I thought. Turns out I could have collected sea lice and sand fleas. Sea lice are not like the normal bugs we see, these are microscopic jelly fish that sting swimmers thus causing itching and a rash. Sand fleas are just the normal fleas we see but they reside at the sea/ocean. You might choose to avoid the ocean/sea altogether or you can take precautions to avoid the stings (your homework for today:-D).
Fast forward to evening and we went out to catch a few drinks. As much as its called Mombasa raha at 11 p.m. the streets were quite deserted save for one or two people. The club was not as populated as it would have been here in Nairobi. As I danced my worries away, I saw a 100 shilling note on the floor but for some weird reason I couldn’t collect it for the fear of the usual. It lay there for quite some time and I was there thinking whether to pick it or not but someone took it. Turns out phone snatchers in Mombasa are quite rare and for once I wished I could live there were it not for too much heat. I loved Mombasa save for the salty water and too much heat, I could live there just to be going to the beach every evening after work if I can help it.
Sunday was a relaxing day and y’all know Mombasa trip aint full without the ferry as much as its quite congested and pick-pockets infested. No taking pictures while on the ferry but just as you know, people don’t follow instructions and we managed to take a few pictures while pretending to text or make calls. Later on Monday I heard that some guys drowned when their car missed the ferry by an inch. I am still shaking at the thought. Booking a bus back was quite a hustle cus all the early buses were all booked and moving from one booking office to the next with makangas/brokers following everywhere is annoying. One followed us to all the offices we went to and it was quite creepy. Next time if I’ll not have afforded to take a flight I’ll book a return bus from Nairobi. And yes, we got back to Nairobi on Monday morning and as usual, my sleep was quite disturbed…I still have sleep back logs that I am hoping to clear by weekend cus I have a birthday party I need to attend on Saturday 😉