Could midlife crisis be checking in a little too early?

Do you remember when you were a kid? When you wanted to become a doctor, a nurse, a driver, a teacher, a dancer, a farmer, a pilot, a captain and maybe a butcher like my cousin once told his mother. I laugh at him every day when I remember that. It is good to have your kids hang out in sophisticated places where they get exposed to all manner of things such that they can imagine greatness. My cousin is all grown up now and he is studying electric engineering, I just hope an electric engineer was what he had in mind when he was in high school. I also had such dreams, I wanted to become an accountant, I wanted to become a pharmacist, I wanted to be an IT technician immediately after high school and now I want to be a hairdresser, weird, huh?! I know, in fact I know I sound like a lost soul and I think I am. I am at that point when I want to try everything under the sun; you are not going to believe me when I say I want to go bungee jumping but I doubt I want to have my heart stop before its time. I want to register for a marathon one of these fine days; I hate running but I will challenge myself. I don’t intend to run like my whole life depends on it. All I want is to challenge myself and get to meet new people and see how much I can stretch my body. Besides, I know there are people who have been training for marathons for the better part of their lives and I don’t intend to compete with them. Even if I compete, there is no chance in hell that I will get to position 100. However, if I get to position 100, he he, I will reward myself.

I want to go kayaking never mind I can’t swim to save my life. Talk about misplaced priorities, I haven’t learnt swimming yet. I tried learning the art of walking on water but immediately my friend relocated to the land of opportunities I lost interest. Besides, she was my cheerleader and at least by the time she left I had learnt how to float on water and flap water a little, ha ha ha! I know, I need to learn to swim from one side of the pool to the next but on the shallow end of the pool. I still need me so I am not going to drown myself in the name of learning to swim by venturing into the middle of pool. It is too unfortunate I was too girly when growing up and it is even worse there were no boys to grow up with which means I only went near the river when the taps ran dry. I was too timid to follow my tomboy girlfriends for a swim in the river when I was young. Those ages where I come from there were no swimming pools and I doubt there is one even now, you have to take two vehicles to get to the swimming pool he he. Anyway, I know I need to take the advantage of sun while it is still shining to learn how to swim so that come kayaking time, I will be fully equipped. You only live once and you might as well take advantage of the good health before you can’t lift your leg one after the other.

Yolo2

The next thing on my bucket list is climbing Mt. Kenya. I want to see the sun come up over the hills up there. I want to see the snow shining under the sun. I want to see how many hours I can walk without collapsing. I know it is a tasking affair but I am determined to do it. I want to look back one day and pat myself on the back for having lived a fulfilling life. It is going to be sad if I look back and realize there is nothing much I have accomplished. I know climbing mt. Kenya is not going to benefit anyone but at least I will have conquered one of those things I loathe; walking. I can only walk for a short distance; I am starting to believe I am too lazy for my own good. Can you imagine there was a time I used to board a matatu for a 10 minutes’ walk distance….Yes, my laziness (well, walking laziness) was and it still is that bad. I want to conquer that this year but I am hoping to do it on December when it is all shining and the year is almost over. Mt Kenya region can really get cold and wet for the next few months and I don’t want to lose any of my body limbs from freezing.

Soon I am going for a karaoke night but I doubt I will have the guts to have all those eyes watching me and listening to me. It is one thing to talk to your friends, you know, to have them listening to one of your stories. It is completely another to have a crowd of complete strangers listening to you and some of them high as a kite. You know how nasty drunk people can get. Anyway, I am going to try it soon never mind my friend told me I cannot sing to save my neck. I am however going to prove him wrong although this is to conquer my own fears and not to prove anything to anybody. In fact, I haven’t partied or  binged on illegal stuff for some time, so this is my chance. Did I say every time I go to church I want to join the choir, they sing so well and I cant help thinking how fast I need to join them. I also want to learn how to play the guitar, I want to learn how to play the piano, the flute, the drums and sigh! I want to learn how to play the violin. I wonder what else I want to learn because every day there is something I see and I think to myself, mmmhhh…I need to do that, mmmhhh…… I should have learnt to do that.

I want to travel to Mombasa or to some other place in a train and then come back on a plane….Yes, my dreams are still valid. I cant even tell you why I need to go through the torture of sitting for almost 12 hours but the heck, why not. It is a good experience to see the nature. I guess there is a thrill of being out in the wilderness with strangers and not knowing what will happen. I mean we can only care too much. Sometimes it is good to let caution out of the window because if anything was to happen, it will happen anyway, there is nothing much I can do about it. I want to sleep in Nairobi and wake up in Mombasa, but I would rather travel during the day; there is a lot to see during the day. And again, If God forbid, the poop hits the fan; you will know what to do or where to run to unlike at night when our systems are almost shutting down.

Finally I want to learn a new language…I am still choosing among Spanish, Italian or German. And to say that I want to do all this before the year ends, would I be joking? Is it too much for one soul, Is it achievable or am I biting too much than I can chew? What do you think? I think Midlife crisis checked in a little too early.

midlife_crisis_checkli

 

Being a man sounds like fun

Being a man sounds like fun except on the hitting on a girl part. I always imagine how i would still be single because I cannot stand being turned down and with so much contempt at that. In the event of an incarnation, i want to come back as a man. Men are the luckiest human beings in the world. I mean, they can take a leak anywhere without batting an eyelid and continue wit stories with his buddies like nothing happened. Even when it has clearly been marked, “USIKOJOE HAPA”  they still go ahead and do it. Somebody joked that such places should be marked ‘KOJOA HAPA’  and trust me, thy will avoid the place like a plague. So, the other day I was travelling all pressed and wishing i can take a leak somewhere and then my neighbor in the vehicle tells the driver to stop so that he can pee. To tell you i was jealous was an understatement because I had to endure my discomfort for another one hour! Being a man rocks because;

being a guy rocks

They can lose the comb and still get away with it. Apparently, that rugged look is sexy to some ladies and trust me, they might just get some extra winks on that day for losing the comb. As for your’s truly, I need a clean shaven man, we dont need to be fighting about combs every now and then.

Men do not have bad hair days, unless of course it is one of those men who need to book an appointment with their beautician. I am never going to understand this business of men going for manicure, pedicure and facials. A man needs to be all macho and just a little rough. I gotta give it up for those women who date men who are in touch with their feminine side. It is not bad to date one but who needs all that drama in a man?! Its definitely not me, he is the one who is supposed to deal with my drama and not the other way round

Men can choose to neglect their families and the society will easily forgive them(though I dont support this one). The only part I am envious about is that society and the family in question will welcome him with open arms. Try pulling such a stunt as a woman and God knows what will befall you. Even your children will want nothing to do with you, never mind you carried them in your womb for nine months. The society will crucify you as a woman from here to Timbuktu but the man will be embraced with both arms, talk about applying double standards!

A man can wear the same clothes for almost a week and you can bet your last coin that nobody will notice. This is especially if he is used to wearing dark clothes, remember the Australian News anchor who wore his suit for a whole year and nobody noted? Viewers would only concentrate on his female co-anchor

A man can wear the same pair of shoes and a belt with almost all his outfits and still get away with it. There are few men who worry about their next pair of shoes except of course the ones who are in touch with their feminine side because they worry so much about their dress code. I want to date one of this kind just before I become a man, hahahaha! Some little drama will make life more enjoyable

A man will compliment another lady and even ogle at her and expect his girlfriend to take it just fine. Let the girlfriend pull that stunt and she will have to apologize profusely. Dont you think this applying double double standards is bad for our health? We all know men are visual creatures but Haloo!! We also can make good of our eyes without making it so obvious. Better still, take a look and crack a joke about it. You dont have to steal glances, no ogle and then pretend nothing happened.

A man will date a few women at the same time and it is women who will be blamed for his selfishness because playing with people’s feelings is plain selfishness. And it is even hilarious when the same women end up fighting over the man..Calling this a sad affair is an understatement! These women should gang up and beat him up instead, it is a criminal offence to toy with people’s feeling. But women being women, they will claw at each other with each of them hoping to end up with the man.

To a man,orange and peach are fruits and not colors, ha ha ha!! But i am sure they are still learning on the color spectrum so, we gotta  cut them some slack.

You can add more about why you think BEING A MAN ROCKS and humor your’s truly, I have always fantasized with being a man. Fantasizing is allowed, right? So forgive me when I say in my next life i want to come back as a man. I hope SEX CHANGE will work just the same.

sex change

This hugging business can be quite annoying at times

Hugging is the newest greeting in town. It has become so normal that people end up hugging even strangers. Well, i dont have a problem with those people who hug strangers, it is quite recommended at times. The rate at which bad stuff is befalling humanity, we all need a hug at one time or the other. My problem is with those people who ask to be hugged, you know, like you owe them one. There are these two men who work in the same building as I and they can be really annoying. Sometimes they block your way as you pass just so that you can hug them. Whatever time of the day you meet them they are soliciting for one and it makes me wonder whether they did not get enough hugs from their mums when they were young.

sweet jesus

My other beef is with those people who insist on hugging you even when you have displayed all the signs that you dont want to be hugged. Is it that some people are slow to understand sign language or they are just out there to annoy others? You have already stretched out your hand to greet them but they insist on pulling you towards them so that they can hug you. Some shake your hand but they still go ahead and hug you, quite forcefully!

i dont want to hug

For the sake of humanity, please dont hug anyone and I mean forcefully hug someone if you smell like a garbage truck. If your mouth stinks enough to make a fly faint, keep away from hugs unless of course you are the one being hugged. And even when you are being hugged, try to keep your mouth shut, that way, you will save the ‘huggee’ from fainting.

Hugging with your mouth open and talking loudly while splashing saliva open is an offence! I had taken a shower in the morning, I dont need to take another and more so not with your saliva. So try to hug me with some decorum, I dont want to be left wiping my face and ruin my make-up. If you didnt learn your Biology well, some airbone diseases can be spread through particles like your saliva. I still need my health you know, medical bills have become so high and I might not keep up.

If you are a man and you are not my friend, boyfriend or relative, please dont insist on hugging me. If you insist on hugging me, dont make it look like you are hugging your girlfriend, you know with squeezing et.all. I dont want you getting comfortable while still holding on to me. Just hug me lightly and move on.

As for mothers and fathers, hug your babies more often, it might help them in future. It helps in boosting their self esteem and teaches them to love when they are all grown-ups.

Hug appropriately and with some decorum, it will go a long way. We dont want to hear people recounting of their bad hugs experiences, it is not funny at all.

Did you know that you need 10 hugs a day?

Now you know, hugging is therapeutic and don’t we all need to be hugged. Forget about my ranting about bad hugs. Research has shown that hugging just like laughter is effective in curing some of these ailments. Hugging helps in healing loneliness, stress, depression and anxiety. A proper and a deep hug where the hugger and the huggee’s hearts are ‘pressing’ together have a few benefits that we could all do with;

free hugs

  1. Hugging instantly boosts the production of oxytocin which helps in healing feelings of isolation, loneliness and anger. Try hugging your partner when he or she is feeling all down and depressed and see the reaction. It works like a charm.
  2. Holding a hug for an extended time will help in lifting serotin levels thus elevating one’s mood and creating happiness.
  3. Hugging strengthens our immune system, true story! Hugging and the gentle pressure applied on the sternum creates an emotional charge which in turn activate the production of Solar Plexus Chakra. This in turn will stimulate the thymus gland thus generating and balancing the body’s production of white blood cells. We all know the work of white blood cells, they help our bodies to be disease free
  4. Hugging is a self esteem booster. Our family’s touch is the most important thing especially when we are all young and vulnerable. It shows us that we are special and loved. Hugs and cuddles at a young age remains imprinted in our nervous system even into our adulthood. Therefore, hug your children as many times as possible because it has a lot to do with their self esteem. I make a point of hugging my son at least 5 times a day…Hugging connects us to our ability to love others.
  5. Hugging helps in relaxing muscles thus releasing tension from our bodies. Hugs take away pain; they soothe aches by increasing circulation of blood in the soft tissues.
  6. Hugs balance out our nervous system. For the light skinned,( your’s truly is a woman of the color but I love it that way)you can note a change in skin color when one hugs or gets hugged, this change of color is called a galvanic conductance. There is a change of moisture and electricity in the skin which suggests that there is a state of a more balanced nervous system
  7. Hugging teaches us to receive and give. There is an equal value in giving and receiving warmth. Hugs teach us how love is supposed to flow in both ways
  8. Hugs just like laughter and meditation help us to let go and embrace the present. They encourage us to flow with life’s energy. They get us out of our circular thinking patterns and connect us with our hearts, feelings and breath
  9. When we hug, we exchange energy and it serves as an investment in the relationship. It helps to encourage empathy and understanding
  10. Hugging helps in building trust and a sense of safety. It helps in creating open and honest communication.

i want to hug you

Virginia Satir a family therapist sass,” We need four hugs a day for survival.”  “We need eight hugs a day for maintenance.” “We need twelve hugs a day for growth.” SO, HOW MANY HUGS DID YOU GET OR GIVE TODAY? GIVE AS MANY AS YOU CAN, IT IS A MIRACLE DRUG.

FORGET THAT I RANTED ABOUT BAD HUGS, WE ALL NEED A HUG ONE TIME OR THE OTHER.

Is it true what they say?

So, its been preached over and over that we should look at life with a positive mind. But what happens when there is nothing to look forward to? What happens when there is nothing to encourage you? When you feel like everything including your happiness has been stolen. Yeah, I know happiness is inborn but, there is that happiness that comes with fulfilment. What if you don’t have the inner fulfilment that you require?

Its one thing to go with the flow, you know when people are talking positively and you join in their discussion with your positive remarks but it’s a completely another to have the life you have been preaching. A friend told me that those people who laugh a lot are hiding their sorrows in the laughter. I don’t know how true that is but there are still others who say that you should fake it until you make it. Now my million dollar question, for how long are you supposed to fake it?  Until you collapse in the middle of the road in broad daylight as a result of depression? I have seen people die of depression and by the look of things you could think that they were al-right.

We all have our tough moments but it all depends with how well we handle them. Some of us like yours truly do not know how to talk our problems out. So as much as people need help, I doubt it will be possible to get it if in the first place you cant express yourself. I believe in the bible but at times you look at the bible and nothing makes sense, you know when you read the bible and it feels like just another book you are reading (God forgive me). You listen to the pastor and she doesn’t make sense. You read a motivational book and you don’t extract a thing from it. You look around and see people all smiley, others so gloomy, you know people going on with their businesses and you feel like you are all alone in this world. Its hard to believe and at times I also find it hard to believe but God is with you all the times. At the fullness of time, all things will work for good. Yeah, right! I know that’s what you have just said. You are asking yourself, when this ‘fullness of time’ will be. That’s the same question I am asking too and I hope to get the answer soonest.

And wont you give anything just to have your life going the way you want it? I would, so I just don’t understand people when they say that life would be boring if everything was just smooth sailing. Yeah, its wishful thinking to wish to have everything going your way…But, don’t we always get what we pray for? Maybe I haven’t been praying as hard….

If wishes were horses….

In my next life, I don’t want to be born a first born. Too many responsibilities on your shoulders until you forget your life. There is always something needing your attention. When one need is almost over, another one comes up and there is no escape from the responsibilities. Everybody is looking up to you for support, whatever support you can think.

And when you don’t perform as per people’s expectations, you are a failure. Did I mention that when you are a first born, your needs stop to matter? Everybody else in your family wants their needs to be settled first and in the process what you would have wanted to do ends up not being done or it is done at a later date. That is why you see most first borns take so long to get married and have families of their own because they were busy taking care of others. This leaves me with one question, who takes care of the first borns? The parents are also too busy taking care of the rest and they forget that there was another person who needed their care and love. Woe unto you when you are a first born and you don’t have supportive friends. You can die with your problems because everyone else in is busy taking care of their needs.

 If I had a chance of being ‘born again’ I would like to be born as a last born. The last born has so many people taking care of him or her that more often than not, they become spoilt. That’s what I want…If only wishes were horses…..

This love…

It’s a rare kind of love. He would catch a grenade for me…. Just like Bruno Mars says in his song…This love brightens my day when it is dull, when there is a silver shining on the cloud, it makes my sun shine…oohh, and this kind of love is unique, sent from heaven just for me. I am loved with all my weaknesses; with all my mistakes……just the way I am…Did I tell you he is in love with me? Yes he is….

I always look forward to his texts, to his calls, to his inboxes. There is just something that makes us chat even in the dead of the night. Too bad sometimes airtime goes MIA on us…and we are forced to cut short our chats. Too bad sometimes sleep catches up with us and one of us is left hanging…..too bad there is work to be done….too bad the phone’s battery dies in the middle of the chat…..just too bad….we could chat for a whole day and a whole night and still have something to talk about the next day…

I bet its true what they say, one who gets a friend is lucky…, that a true friend can be closer than a brother…..I am so honored to be his best friend too. Love is heavenly…it makes you feel wonderful…even when you are having a long day, just that call, that text or that inbox brightens your day…It makes you smile again…. And u guessed right, it’s a sheepish smile…it might be something silly to somebody else but it means the world to you…..The first time I fell in love, I could smell his perfume from a distance, even from a stranger…and u guessed right…it always made me smile….it would make me start thinking about him……

Mmmhhh…it always feels great to be loved and to love…to know that you mean the world to them…sometimes they might not know that they mean the world to you…You just need to keep on reminding them that they are your world….if they don’t recognize it, then it’s their loss…..

Love and love even more, it is the greatest command of all. 

WRITING IS THERAPEUTIC! YES IT IS…

I love writing…..I write about anything and everything…It makes my heart lighter. It helps me feel like I have talked to somebody…..You see, I am one of those people who rarely talk about their problems to people because at times I feel like they will not get where I am coming from. That is why I have a journal and lately my blog. My journal is my friend…I can cry as I write, I can smile and put all my emotions there…. And after I am done with my entry, my heart feels lighter, I feel like I have shared it with a friend…I feel like I have solved the problem…And oohh, I write my journal in any color…I even have some entries with a red pen…so long as I have poured my heart in my journal, I don’t care what color it is. It’s only for my consumption anyway…

The other day I was chatting with a friend and we talked about writing and keeping journals… He couldn’t believe that I have like four journals in a period of four years…. He thought I was the weirdest being alive. Not like I write every day, I just write when my heart is heavy, when I need to clear my head over an issue….when I have achieved something great in my life… My journals are my novels, when I feel bored I just read them and memories come back. Well, some memories are not so good and they should just be forgotten about but at times, it good to see where you came from. You know, to laugh at all your silly mistakes, to pat yourself on the back for all the achievements…WRITING IS THERAPEUTIC, TRUST ME IT IS!

The problem comes in when you have named names in your journal. Especially when the entry was in bad taste, wah! You don’t want them to get their hands on that journal..  If I get a bad experience with you, you can be lest assured I will have an entry about you in my journal…I am that bad…A good experience too with you will earn you a page in my journal.  So, don’t cross my way…don’t step on my toes…  Be nice to me…I love my journals and they make me shed tears when I look at them and all the memories rush back like it was yesterday but I have been thinking of burning them… Some entries that have been entered in bad taste, I don’t want anyone seeing them…just me, myself and I. To be on the safe side, I should get me a safe and bury the key to make sure that nobody gets to access it. Ha ha! And just like it happens in the movies, I will write in my will where my family will get the key to the safe…..At least when I am gone, they will be able to read what I thought I thought about them….

And writing pays, just like it pays for my bills, well, some of my bills…So, write, write and write even more..That journal might just turn into a cash cow, true story! It is called starting from humble beginnings….. Even a mere entry of how your day was is a good start! Once I compile my journals I will let you know…I have been dreaming of writing a novel and the novel a best seller….

Write how your day went by today and with time, you will be amazed how great it makes you feel. You will never need a shrink, trust me!  A Journal is the best shrink in the whole wide world…. J J

Have you?

Have you been told something once, twice, thrice and at one point you even started believing it? It has been drummed into your head for so long until it has become normal? Unless it is something positive about your life or just something that will have an impact on your life and for the best, don’t just sit there listening to that crap…..For the daters like me, if somebody tells you that they are not into you, a first time, a second one and even a third one, it’s time to call it quits and get yourself a better partner. A partner who is going to appreciate you, who will appreciate your time, you know somebody who worships the ground you walk on. A partner who actually gives a hoot about you…

I was once in a relationship and the guys tells me at one point that if he ever gets married, it will be because in their culture, the older brother has to get married before the younger ones do. That the marriage will be to enable the brothers to also marry, his words just hit me today.  It also made me think why it took me so long to digest his words and I had even envisioned myself as the wife, lol! The crap we take in the name of love, SMH!!

So, this girl tells you that she can’t be with you because of blah blah blah…..you had better believe her; she is just not into you…. I think men are even the most notorious in telling girls that they are not into them. They don’t even tell you in their own words; just their actions are enough to tell you that you are not needed. So, get going and save yourself some emotional abuse!! And stupid us we hang on in there thinking that he is just having one of those days lovers have. The person knows what he or she is saying and no matter what you do, you will always be a second or a third choice. To me, that is not a pretty thing to have. I want to be loved wholeheartedly, that is why I also want to love somebody whole heartedly, not because he happens to be around just when I need him.

But maybe being told on your face that you are not needed is better than those people who tag along knowing all too well that there is nothing going on. . At least the person loves you enough to tell the truth, that being together is a waste of time. It’s too unfortunate that we are so much into the guy or the girl that we don’t get the intensity of the words. I mean you have heard that statement twice and some other statements meant to mean the same and to think that we hang on to it, hoping that the guy or the girl will change their mind is a pity.

So, listen carefully to the words that come out of your guy’s or girl’s mouth. If you hear something undesirable to your relationship from him or her, it is time to stop, listen and digest what they just said. It might hurt you at that particular moment but a few years down the line, you will be patting your back that you gave them a kick on the butt… Nobody wants to be a second choice to anybody; it hurts to say the least!! The sole reason I don’t want to be the other woman!

Disappointments

I know I have been a disappointment to a whole lot of people but I have also had my own share of disappointments. I know I have made promises and failed to keep them but I have always tried to refrain from giving promises that I might not be able to keep. That is the sole reason I love leaving my options open.  I don’t care if you call me non committal but at the end of the end of the day, I will not have broken any promise. That is why I hate it so much when somebody promises me something and they don’t deliver….. And to all those that I have disappointed in one way or the other, I ask for forgiveness….

And it is even worse if it is one of your loved ones…… I don’t know whether it is just me who gets so pissed off by a loved one in such disappointments ….. And to think that at times they fail to do it on purpose really pisses me off. ….. So, when somebody asks for help from you and you don’t deliver just because you don’t care or you are too busy with some other things, know that you are being a disappointment to him or her… Be proud that they are counting on you for help…. That’s a blessing right there, God has given you that grace, for people to come to you for help… I pray that as July starts, that I will not be a disappointment to anybody if I can help it. I pray that I will be a blessing to somebody’s life; I pray that I will promise and deliver…..

I also pray that I will take disappointments gracefully without carrying grudges, without saying that every dog has its day… I pray that all my good deeds in the past will be a ticket to get me what I want when I want itIt’s a new month and this is my prayer for July, that I will make promises that I will be sure to keep, that I will not be a disappointment to anybody, that I will bring a smile to somebody’s face…

In Other News, have much or is it how many New Year Resolutions have you achieved? How many did you abandon in the first few days of January? I know only failures don’t make plans and maybe I am one of them because I didn’t make a New Year resolution and I don’t make them from time immemorial but I think it’s time I started making them. Its past midyear and so far so good, I am not complaining but maybe had I made a few resolutions, maybe I would be somewhere else other than where I amso how far are you with your resolutions? Food for thought, huh?!

I will make a new month’s resolutions for Julywatch this space and I will tell you what I intend to do on the month of July. Have a blessed month of July and I insist, if you know you can’t keep a promise, by all means please do not make oneBe a blessing to a soul here and there…. J…