If wishes were horses….

In my next life, I don’t want to be born a first born. Too many responsibilities on your shoulders until you forget your life. There is always something needing your attention. When one need is almost over, another one comes up and there is no escape from the responsibilities. Everybody is looking up to you for support, whatever support you can think.

And when you don’t perform as per people’s expectations, you are a failure. Did I mention that when you are a first born, your needs stop to matter? Everybody else in your family wants their needs to be settled first and in the process what you would have wanted to do ends up not being done or it is done at a later date. That is why you see most first borns take so long to get married and have families of their own because they were busy taking care of others. This leaves me with one question, who takes care of the first borns? The parents are also too busy taking care of the rest and they forget that there was another person who needed their care and love. Woe unto you when you are a first born and you don’t have supportive friends. You can die with your problems because everyone else in is busy taking care of their needs.

 If I had a chance of being ‘born again’ I would like to be born as a last born. The last born has so many people taking care of him or her that more often than not, they become spoilt. That’s what I want…If only wishes were horses…..

This love…

It’s a rare kind of love. He would catch a grenade for me…. Just like Bruno Mars says in his song…This love brightens my day when it is dull, when there is a silver shining on the cloud, it makes my sun shine…oohh, and this kind of love is unique, sent from heaven just for me. I am loved with all my weaknesses; with all my mistakes……just the way I am…Did I tell you he is in love with me? Yes he is….

I always look forward to his texts, to his calls, to his inboxes. There is just something that makes us chat even in the dead of the night. Too bad sometimes airtime goes MIA on us…and we are forced to cut short our chats. Too bad sometimes sleep catches up with us and one of us is left hanging…..too bad there is work to be done….too bad the phone’s battery dies in the middle of the chat…..just too bad….we could chat for a whole day and a whole night and still have something to talk about the next day…

I bet its true what they say, one who gets a friend is lucky…, that a true friend can be closer than a brother…..I am so honored to be his best friend too. Love is heavenly…it makes you feel wonderful…even when you are having a long day, just that call, that text or that inbox brightens your day…It makes you smile again…. And u guessed right, it’s a sheepish smile…it might be something silly to somebody else but it means the world to you…..The first time I fell in love, I could smell his perfume from a distance, even from a stranger…and u guessed right…it always made me smile….it would make me start thinking about him……

Mmmhhh…it always feels great to be loved and to love…to know that you mean the world to them…sometimes they might not know that they mean the world to you…You just need to keep on reminding them that they are your world….if they don’t recognize it, then it’s their loss…..

Love and love even more, it is the greatest command of all. 

WRITING IS THERAPEUTIC! YES IT IS…

I love writing…..I write about anything and everything…It makes my heart lighter. It helps me feel like I have talked to somebody…..You see, I am one of those people who rarely talk about their problems to people because at times I feel like they will not get where I am coming from. That is why I have a journal and lately my blog. My journal is my friend…I can cry as I write, I can smile and put all my emotions there…. And after I am done with my entry, my heart feels lighter, I feel like I have shared it with a friend…I feel like I have solved the problem…And oohh, I write my journal in any color…I even have some entries with a red pen…so long as I have poured my heart in my journal, I don’t care what color it is. It’s only for my consumption anyway…

The other day I was chatting with a friend and we talked about writing and keeping journals… He couldn’t believe that I have like four journals in a period of four years…. He thought I was the weirdest being alive. Not like I write every day, I just write when my heart is heavy, when I need to clear my head over an issue….when I have achieved something great in my life… My journals are my novels, when I feel bored I just read them and memories come back. Well, some memories are not so good and they should just be forgotten about but at times, it good to see where you came from. You know, to laugh at all your silly mistakes, to pat yourself on the back for all the achievements…WRITING IS THERAPEUTIC, TRUST ME IT IS!

The problem comes in when you have named names in your journal. Especially when the entry was in bad taste, wah! You don’t want them to get their hands on that journal..  If I get a bad experience with you, you can be lest assured I will have an entry about you in my journal…I am that bad…A good experience too with you will earn you a page in my journal.  So, don’t cross my way…don’t step on my toes…  Be nice to me…I love my journals and they make me shed tears when I look at them and all the memories rush back like it was yesterday but I have been thinking of burning them… Some entries that have been entered in bad taste, I don’t want anyone seeing them…just me, myself and I. To be on the safe side, I should get me a safe and bury the key to make sure that nobody gets to access it. Ha ha! And just like it happens in the movies, I will write in my will where my family will get the key to the safe…..At least when I am gone, they will be able to read what I thought I thought about them….

And writing pays, just like it pays for my bills, well, some of my bills…So, write, write and write even more..That journal might just turn into a cash cow, true story! It is called starting from humble beginnings….. Even a mere entry of how your day was is a good start! Once I compile my journals I will let you know…I have been dreaming of writing a novel and the novel a best seller….

Write how your day went by today and with time, you will be amazed how great it makes you feel. You will never need a shrink, trust me!  A Journal is the best shrink in the whole wide world…. J J

Have you?

Have you been told something once, twice, thrice and at one point you even started believing it? It has been drummed into your head for so long until it has become normal? Unless it is something positive about your life or just something that will have an impact on your life and for the best, don’t just sit there listening to that crap…..For the daters like me, if somebody tells you that they are not into you, a first time, a second one and even a third one, it’s time to call it quits and get yourself a better partner. A partner who is going to appreciate you, who will appreciate your time, you know somebody who worships the ground you walk on. A partner who actually gives a hoot about you…

I was once in a relationship and the guys tells me at one point that if he ever gets married, it will be because in their culture, the older brother has to get married before the younger ones do. That the marriage will be to enable the brothers to also marry, his words just hit me today.  It also made me think why it took me so long to digest his words and I had even envisioned myself as the wife, lol! The crap we take in the name of love, SMH!!

So, this girl tells you that she can’t be with you because of blah blah blah…..you had better believe her; she is just not into you…. I think men are even the most notorious in telling girls that they are not into them. They don’t even tell you in their own words; just their actions are enough to tell you that you are not needed. So, get going and save yourself some emotional abuse!! And stupid us we hang on in there thinking that he is just having one of those days lovers have. The person knows what he or she is saying and no matter what you do, you will always be a second or a third choice. To me, that is not a pretty thing to have. I want to be loved wholeheartedly, that is why I also want to love somebody whole heartedly, not because he happens to be around just when I need him.

But maybe being told on your face that you are not needed is better than those people who tag along knowing all too well that there is nothing going on. . At least the person loves you enough to tell the truth, that being together is a waste of time. It’s too unfortunate that we are so much into the guy or the girl that we don’t get the intensity of the words. I mean you have heard that statement twice and some other statements meant to mean the same and to think that we hang on to it, hoping that the guy or the girl will change their mind is a pity.

So, listen carefully to the words that come out of your guy’s or girl’s mouth. If you hear something undesirable to your relationship from him or her, it is time to stop, listen and digest what they just said. It might hurt you at that particular moment but a few years down the line, you will be patting your back that you gave them a kick on the butt… Nobody wants to be a second choice to anybody; it hurts to say the least!! The sole reason I don’t want to be the other woman!

Disappointments

I know I have been a disappointment to a whole lot of people but I have also had my own share of disappointments. I know I have made promises and failed to keep them but I have always tried to refrain from giving promises that I might not be able to keep. That is the sole reason I love leaving my options open.  I don’t care if you call me non committal but at the end of the end of the day, I will not have broken any promise. That is why I hate it so much when somebody promises me something and they don’t deliver….. And to all those that I have disappointed in one way or the other, I ask for forgiveness….

And it is even worse if it is one of your loved ones…… I don’t know whether it is just me who gets so pissed off by a loved one in such disappointments ….. And to think that at times they fail to do it on purpose really pisses me off. ….. So, when somebody asks for help from you and you don’t deliver just because you don’t care or you are too busy with some other things, know that you are being a disappointment to him or her… Be proud that they are counting on you for help…. That’s a blessing right there, God has given you that grace, for people to come to you for help… I pray that as July starts, that I will not be a disappointment to anybody if I can help it. I pray that I will be a blessing to somebody’s life; I pray that I will promise and deliver…..

I also pray that I will take disappointments gracefully without carrying grudges, without saying that every dog has its day… I pray that all my good deeds in the past will be a ticket to get me what I want when I want itIt’s a new month and this is my prayer for July, that I will make promises that I will be sure to keep, that I will not be a disappointment to anybody, that I will bring a smile to somebody’s face…

In Other News, have much or is it how many New Year Resolutions have you achieved? How many did you abandon in the first few days of January? I know only failures don’t make plans and maybe I am one of them because I didn’t make a New Year resolution and I don’t make them from time immemorial but I think it’s time I started making them. Its past midyear and so far so good, I am not complaining but maybe had I made a few resolutions, maybe I would be somewhere else other than where I amso how far are you with your resolutions? Food for thought, huh?!

I will make a new month’s resolutions for Julywatch this space and I will tell you what I intend to do on the month of July. Have a blessed month of July and I insist, if you know you can’t keep a promise, by all means please do not make oneBe a blessing to a soul here and there…. J…

Does Facebook make shaky relationships even shakier?

Face book making shakier relationships even shakier is true. This is entirely true because people have made it their daily companion with some people even going to the bathroom with their phones because they don’t want to miss a thing in a thread they are following. Others leave their couple on the couch ‘face booking’ rather than use that time to bond on the bed or on the same couch. People have grown so much into face book that they never have time for their families. To them, their online friends are more important than the human beings they are with. It is even worse when both partners are working and the only time they get to see each other one of the partners is busy on his or her iPhone. It is really frustrating and chances are, until they realize the problem they have at hand, the relationship might never survive the storm.facebook

It feels bad to be ignored whether by a stranger or work mate, how much worse can it get when it is your spouse ignoring you? It must feel more than horrible and until people learn to put themselves in other people’s shoes, only then will they be able to get away from the vice because at this rate, ‘face booking’ can only be termed as a vice. A couple can be going through a rough patch which is a common occurrence in relationships and marriages with some even going for days without solving the problem but when facebook is thrown into the works, the situation becomes even worse. One of the partners will use face book as a tool to completely ignore the other and that will be the start of the end. When one of the partners gets into the house and instead of greeting the other and enquiring about their day he or she heads straight to the couch, then there is a big problem. Face book has completely killed the bonding in relationships because there is never ‘us’ times. It is face book from Monday to the next Monday with partying and church (if one is not nursing a killer hangover) taking the better part of the weekend. In worse cases, some even are on facebook even when they are in bed with their partners next to them. Virtual friends have taken the life out of some relationships and some people are yet to realize what social media is doing to their relationships.

Looking at it from another direction, facebook will also kill an already dying relationship because if the two partners are always online and they never give each other space, it will become boring for them. There will never be a single time that they will miss each other since they are always sending messages to each other, posting on each other’s walls or worse still chatting. There is that familiarity that is not healthy for a relationship. Couples are supposed to give each other some space to miss each to make it sweet for that time when they get to meet in the evening or some other time. However, keeping in touch with a partner in a long distance relationship via facebook or some other social media tool will keep the relationship going. In such a case, keeping in touch is not all that bad and the people involved should be very afraid when the other party does not want to chat or rather the communication goes down drastically. In such a case, the relationship could be heading south and it is all good to be prepared although in a break up, one is never too prepared. Sharing too much information on each other’s walls might seem all cool to the outside world but it could be eating up the other partner who is afraid to talk it out leading to resentment. Resentment is bad for all relationships and it should be avoided at all costs.

If one has been in a relationship with a lady or a man for some time, they are friends on facebook and one does not want to make it public that they are in a relationship with the other, one might interpret it all wrong. One of the partners might think the he or she is being cheated on and that is why the other is not making their relationship public because they don’t want to be caught. It might be all innocent that one does not want one his all her private life being made public but the other will be having other thoughts.

facebook 2 To avoid such cases, the couples should make it clear on the onset of the relationship on what is accepted in the relationship and what is not accepted. Sometimes people contribute to how people treat them and that is why it is important to set boundaries before things get out of hand. Couples could for example make it a habit to be off their facebook accounts once they get home or after a certain time once they are inside the house. That way, they will have time for each other and if there are problems, there will be ample time for that without one of the partners using face book to ignore the other.

‘Us’ time in whatever relationship is very important because it makes the other or the others feel important. That is why people have to be off facebook for some time every day so that they can have time with their loved ones. With face book around, some people will never take the initiative of asking how his or her partner faired during the day. Just because they chatted during the day and the partner was alright doesn’t mean that something didn’t piss him or her off just before they got home. It is good to take time off facebook and help around the house, that way the couple will have time to chat as they carry on with the small chores around the house. For those with children that need to be helped with home work in the evening or at whatever time of the day, being off facebook will help the family bond a lot. How do parents (especially men and sorry to the men if they feel they are being picked on) expect to have a good relationship with their children if they never have time off facebook to bond? With face book from Monday to the next Monday, the parent will wake up one day and find out that their little daughter or their son is all grown up and he really missed out on their growth. So, ‘face booking’ in the house or when the family is having a day out is very wrong, it will kill the essence of having the day out in the first place. It will not have made any difference if they remained in the house and still ‘face booked’. Families should also make it a rule that on a family’s day out, there should not be other activities going on and by activities it is being on face book or other social media websites

The other thing that makes facebook a relationship breaker is that it makes cheating easier and it makes being caught even easier. Catching up with an ex is now easier than any other time and the more one chats with an ex, the easier the chances of getting back. If the partner is not keen enough, he or she has a snoopy partner and leaves his or her account on, on the phone or their home computer, then being caught is inevitable, it will happen at some point. So, facebook is a relationship breaker.

Why do you give?

I am not such an ardent bible reader but i know a few verses although i cant fully quote them. l know of one that says #not following each other but you will get the drift#, ” Give and it shall be given back to you, good measure, shaken together, pressed down, running over, blah blah blah…” it is somewhere in the book of Luke and every time i read it, it leaves me thinking, why do we give?, why do you offer to help? Is it because it is the right thing to do or is it because you want to receive something from the receiver of the gift or the service some day?

And this question applies to giving offerings in church..Forget about tithing because tithing is a command that we all ought to fulfill. Some of us need God’s grace to tithe faithfully and one of them is yours trully, I tithe when i remember and when finances are really tight, I assume or rather ask God to understand the situation….Thanks God Our Almighty is not a human being because by now he would have refused to understand,lol! I love sermons but some people make it sound like if you dont give an offering, God wil withhold your blessings. They make you feel so guilty and maybe you are too broke and you were going for that sermon to get encouraged. Well, what i  know is that, God loves a cheerful giver, you might give millions but with a heavy heart, and you might give just a penny but with a cheerful heart…he he he..i am not preaching…i am just saying…

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Luke 6:38 – Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again.

How many times have you failed to help somebody just because you have helped them enough times? You keep wondering why cant this person just stand up for  himself and sort his own issues? I have helped a few friends and family members a few times and at some point i thought, why do i do it? Is it because i will need help some day? Is it because i am in a position to do it or….there are still so many things in my mind on why i help…..Just the other day a special friend helped me to finish a paper i was working on and later in the evening he asked why he was helping me, i could not answer and ended up giving a silly answer….

#OOhhh!! my special friend, i hope you know that you helped me loads…I appreciated every bit of it….*smiles* # 

So, why do u give? 

Answered prayers…….

Who am I kidding? I can’t pull this one, I have been psyching myself up in the hope that things will seem right but no….It just doesn’t feel right. I feel like I am violating somebody’s rights. It might seem right to them but it feels horrible to me. This whole thingy has awakened my long dead feelings and at some point I have been thinking, damn, this is it! But deep inside me it still doesn’t feel right; there is just something that feels wrong. How do you explain to your friends even…. How do you explain to yourself when all has been said and done, when you sit down to reflect and you are left wondering what weed you had been smoking…..

Damn! I know life is all about making uncertain leaps but this I don’t think I want to. It looks enticing, what with all the innocence and the whole idea of feeling alive again but what happens after that. A heart break of the year… The heart break might not happen to me but how do I live with myself knowing that I broke a poor chap’s heart and felt nothing about it? Most of the times the heartbreaker feels nothing about it but does he or she ever put him or herself in the heartbroken’s heart? No, never! That’s how much I care for himI don’t want him to be left hating women for all I know…

Wait! Maybe this is myself I am talking aboutI am scared of loving againI am scared of laying my heart bare to someoneI am scared of the disappointments, heartbreaks and all the tears that sometimes comes with being in loveI have been reading too many ‘lived happily ever after’ novels and I always expect things to end well which rarely happens. I read somewhere that we are always on our knees praying to God for something and even when we get it we still continue to pray for it because we are still expecting the specific one we had asked for. This brings me to another update I read on Facebook the other day….Facebook will be the death of me one day, ha ha ha!!! Figure out this, you pray for a man, you get one, he doesn’t come like the proverbial, dark, tall, handsome and materially loaded man and so you keep on praying and wondering why God is not answering your prayersWell, He just answered its just that the man does not have ENOUGH SWAG, he he he…

So, in my case, maybe this is the man I am destined to be with and I am here still praying for one. One who comes with money, the one who can take me out for a good plate of sea food and exotic wine, for those rides in the wilderness and for shopping in Westgate shopping malls… I think its not even about the money, it is not even about the dates, not even about the shopping, I guess I still don’t know what I am looking for in my ideal man… I don’t know what I want, I guess I am still living in the past, I am still nursing my past heartbreak, I am still waiting for that reunion, the one that happens in soap operas, Damn! I am going to stop watching soapsThey are ruining my mind already and making me live in fantasy…

ION I miss a warm, genuine hug with a sweeeeeeeeeet long kiss and a cuddle in front of the TV in the evening watching a moviemmmhhhheavenly is an understatement….. 

It feels like a Monday

For some reason, today feels like a Monday and you bet! I am not liking it one bit…I have not worked today although writing this is still part of working…Its cold, damn cold, I am in a short skirt so you can imagine how cold my legs are…All the more I need to get me a nice pair of sexy boots…

Its been one of those mornings you wish you can just cover yourself on the couch holding on to a hot cup of white chocolate while watching a tear jerker…Talking of movies, I love the ‘Christian Bitches’ and i cant wait to watch Season 2..Mercy Orengo, thanks for telling me about the Christian Bitches…Indeed, they are Christian bitches…To tell you the truth, I wonder if people ever change or its just a front they put on for people to think they have changed….Amanda is now convinced that her high school neighbors never changed.

I hate to think how their lives have been if they have lived in that Dallas neighborhood all their life…It must have been boring..That is why I hated the idea of schooling at our district in high school, college, work there and eventually get married there…I am not such an explorer but so far so good and more is coming..I will let you in when I become an international tourist..

It was not one of my New Year’s resolutions but before the end of the year, I want to have travelled a lot…. Travelling makes life all exciting ….