I know I have been a disappointment to a whole lot of people but I have also had my own share of disappointments. I know I have made promises and failed to keep them but I have always tried to refrain from giving promises that I might not be able to keep. That is the sole reason I love leaving my options open.  I don’t care if you call me non committal but at the end of the end of the day, I will not have broken any promise. That is why I hate it so much when somebody promises me something and they don’t deliver….. And to all those that I have disappointed in one way or the other, I ask for forgiveness….

And it is even worse if it is one of your loved ones…… I don’t know whether it is just me who gets so pissed off by a loved one in such disappointments ….. And to think that at times they fail to do it on purpose really pisses me off. ….. So, when somebody asks for help from you and you don’t deliver just because you don’t care or you are too busy with some other things, know that you are being a disappointment to him or her… Be proud that they are counting on you for help…. That’s a blessing right there, God has given you that grace, for people to come to you for help… I pray that as July starts, that I will not be a disappointment to anybody if I can help it. I pray that I will be a blessing to somebody’s life; I pray that I will promise and deliver…..

I also pray that I will take disappointments gracefully without carrying grudges, without saying that every dog has its day… I pray that all my good deeds in the past will be a ticket to get me what I want when I want itIt’s a new month and this is my prayer for July, that I will make promises that I will be sure to keep, that I will not be a disappointment to anybody, that I will bring a smile to somebody’s face…

In Other News, have much or is it how many New Year Resolutions have you achieved? How many did you abandon in the first few days of January? I know only failures don’t make plans and maybe I am one of them because I didn’t make a New Year resolution and I don’t make them from time immemorial but I think it’s time I started making them. Its past midyear and so far so good, I am not complaining but maybe had I made a few resolutions, maybe I would be somewhere else other than where I amso how far are you with your resolutions? Food for thought, huh?!

I will make a new month’s resolutions for Julywatch this space and I will tell you what I intend to do on the month of July. Have a blessed month of July and I insist, if you know you can’t keep a promise, by all means please do not make oneBe a blessing to a soul here and there…. J…

Does Facebook make shaky relationships even shakier?

Face book making shakier relationships even shakier is true. This is entirely true because people have made it their daily companion with some people even going to the bathroom with their phones because they don’t want to miss a thing in a thread they are following. Others leave their couple on the couch ‘face booking’ rather than use that time to bond on the bed or on the same couch. People have grown so much into face book that they never have time for their families. To them, their online friends are more important than the human beings they are with. It is even worse when both partners are working and the only time they get to see each other one of the partners is busy on his or her iPhone. It is really frustrating and chances are, until they realize the problem they have at hand, the relationship might never survive the storm.facebook

It feels bad to be ignored whether by a stranger or work mate, how much worse can it get when it is your spouse ignoring you? It must feel more than horrible and until people learn to put themselves in other people’s shoes, only then will they be able to get away from the vice because at this rate, ‘face booking’ can only be termed as a vice. A couple can be going through a rough patch which is a common occurrence in relationships and marriages with some even going for days without solving the problem but when facebook is thrown into the works, the situation becomes even worse. One of the partners will use face book as a tool to completely ignore the other and that will be the start of the end. When one of the partners gets into the house and instead of greeting the other and enquiring about their day he or she heads straight to the couch, then there is a big problem. Face book has completely killed the bonding in relationships because there is never ‘us’ times. It is face book from Monday to the next Monday with partying and church (if one is not nursing a killer hangover) taking the better part of the weekend. In worse cases, some even are on facebook even when they are in bed with their partners next to them. Virtual friends have taken the life out of some relationships and some people are yet to realize what social media is doing to their relationships.

Looking at it from another direction, facebook will also kill an already dying relationship because if the two partners are always online and they never give each other space, it will become boring for them. There will never be a single time that they will miss each other since they are always sending messages to each other, posting on each other’s walls or worse still chatting. There is that familiarity that is not healthy for a relationship. Couples are supposed to give each other some space to miss each to make it sweet for that time when they get to meet in the evening or some other time. However, keeping in touch with a partner in a long distance relationship via facebook or some other social media tool will keep the relationship going. In such a case, keeping in touch is not all that bad and the people involved should be very afraid when the other party does not want to chat or rather the communication goes down drastically. In such a case, the relationship could be heading south and it is all good to be prepared although in a break up, one is never too prepared. Sharing too much information on each other’s walls might seem all cool to the outside world but it could be eating up the other partner who is afraid to talk it out leading to resentment. Resentment is bad for all relationships and it should be avoided at all costs.

If one has been in a relationship with a lady or a man for some time, they are friends on facebook and one does not want to make it public that they are in a relationship with the other, one might interpret it all wrong. One of the partners might think the he or she is being cheated on and that is why the other is not making their relationship public because they don’t want to be caught. It might be all innocent that one does not want one his all her private life being made public but the other will be having other thoughts.

facebook 2 To avoid such cases, the couples should make it clear on the onset of the relationship on what is accepted in the relationship and what is not accepted. Sometimes people contribute to how people treat them and that is why it is important to set boundaries before things get out of hand. Couples could for example make it a habit to be off their facebook accounts once they get home or after a certain time once they are inside the house. That way, they will have time for each other and if there are problems, there will be ample time for that without one of the partners using face book to ignore the other.

‘Us’ time in whatever relationship is very important because it makes the other or the others feel important. That is why people have to be off facebook for some time every day so that they can have time with their loved ones. With face book around, some people will never take the initiative of asking how his or her partner faired during the day. Just because they chatted during the day and the partner was alright doesn’t mean that something didn’t piss him or her off just before they got home. It is good to take time off facebook and help around the house, that way the couple will have time to chat as they carry on with the small chores around the house. For those with children that need to be helped with home work in the evening or at whatever time of the day, being off facebook will help the family bond a lot. How do parents (especially men and sorry to the men if they feel they are being picked on) expect to have a good relationship with their children if they never have time off facebook to bond? With face book from Monday to the next Monday, the parent will wake up one day and find out that their little daughter or their son is all grown up and he really missed out on their growth. So, ‘face booking’ in the house or when the family is having a day out is very wrong, it will kill the essence of having the day out in the first place. It will not have made any difference if they remained in the house and still ‘face booked’. Families should also make it a rule that on a family’s day out, there should not be other activities going on and by activities it is being on face book or other social media websites

The other thing that makes facebook a relationship breaker is that it makes cheating easier and it makes being caught even easier. Catching up with an ex is now easier than any other time and the more one chats with an ex, the easier the chances of getting back. If the partner is not keen enough, he or she has a snoopy partner and leaves his or her account on, on the phone or their home computer, then being caught is inevitable, it will happen at some point. So, facebook is a relationship breaker.

Why do you give?

I am not such an ardent bible reader but i know a few verses although i cant fully quote them. l know of one that says #not following each other but you will get the drift#, ” Give and it shall be given back to you, good measure, shaken together, pressed down, running over, blah blah blah…” it is somewhere in the book of Luke and every time i read it, it leaves me thinking, why do we give?, why do you offer to help? Is it because it is the right thing to do or is it because you want to receive something from the receiver of the gift or the service some day?

And this question applies to giving offerings in church..Forget about tithing because tithing is a command that we all ought to fulfill. Some of us need God’s grace to tithe faithfully and one of them is yours trully, I tithe when i remember and when finances are really tight, I assume or rather ask God to understand the situation….Thanks God Our Almighty is not a human being because by now he would have refused to understand,lol! I love sermons but some people make it sound like if you dont give an offering, God wil withhold your blessings. They make you feel so guilty and maybe you are too broke and you were going for that sermon to get encouraged. Well, what i  know is that, God loves a cheerful giver, you might give millions but with a heavy heart, and you might give just a penny but with a cheerful heart…he he he..i am not preaching…i am just saying…

Luke 6:38 – Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again.

How many times have you failed to help somebody just because you have helped them enough times? You keep wondering why cant this person just stand up for  himself and sort his own issues? I have helped a few friends and family members a few times and at some point i thought, why do i do it? Is it because i will need help some day? Is it because i am in a position to do it or….there are still so many things in my mind on why i help…..Just the other day a special friend helped me to finish a paper i was working on and later in the evening he asked why he was helping me, i could not answer and ended up giving a silly answer….

#OOhhh!! my special friend, i hope you know that you helped me loads…I appreciated every bit of it….*smiles* # 

So, why do u give? 

Answered prayers…….

Who am I kidding? I can’t pull this one, I have been psyching myself up in the hope that things will seem right but no….It just doesn’t feel right. I feel like I am violating somebody’s rights. It might seem right to them but it feels horrible to me. This whole thingy has awakened my long dead feelings and at some point I have been thinking, damn, this is it! But deep inside me it still doesn’t feel right; there is just something that feels wrong. How do you explain to your friends even…. How do you explain to yourself when all has been said and done, when you sit down to reflect and you are left wondering what weed you had been smoking…..

Damn! I know life is all about making uncertain leaps but this I don’t think I want to. It looks enticing, what with all the innocence and the whole idea of feeling alive again but what happens after that. A heart break of the year… The heart break might not happen to me but how do I live with myself knowing that I broke a poor chap’s heart and felt nothing about it? Most of the times the heartbreaker feels nothing about it but does he or she ever put him or herself in the heartbroken’s heart? No, never! That’s how much I care for himI don’t want him to be left hating women for all I know…

Wait! Maybe this is myself I am talking aboutI am scared of loving againI am scared of laying my heart bare to someoneI am scared of the disappointments, heartbreaks and all the tears that sometimes comes with being in loveI have been reading too many ‘lived happily ever after’ novels and I always expect things to end well which rarely happens. I read somewhere that we are always on our knees praying to God for something and even when we get it we still continue to pray for it because we are still expecting the specific one we had asked for. This brings me to another update I read on Facebook the other day….Facebook will be the death of me one day, ha ha ha!!! Figure out this, you pray for a man, you get one, he doesn’t come like the proverbial, dark, tall, handsome and materially loaded man and so you keep on praying and wondering why God is not answering your prayersWell, He just answered its just that the man does not have ENOUGH SWAG, he he he…

So, in my case, maybe this is the man I am destined to be with and I am here still praying for one. One who comes with money, the one who can take me out for a good plate of sea food and exotic wine, for those rides in the wilderness and for shopping in Westgate shopping malls… I think its not even about the money, it is not even about the dates, not even about the shopping, I guess I still don’t know what I am looking for in my ideal man… I don’t know what I want, I guess I am still living in the past, I am still nursing my past heartbreak, I am still waiting for that reunion, the one that happens in soap operas, Damn! I am going to stop watching soapsThey are ruining my mind already and making me live in fantasy…

ION I miss a warm, genuine hug with a sweeeeeeeeeet long kiss and a cuddle in front of the TV in the evening watching a moviemmmhhhheavenly is an understatement….. 

It feels like a Monday

For some reason, today feels like a Monday and you bet! I am not liking it one bit…I have not worked today although writing this is still part of working…Its cold, damn cold, I am in a short skirt so you can imagine how cold my legs are…All the more I need to get me a nice pair of sexy boots…

Its been one of those mornings you wish you can just cover yourself on the couch holding on to a hot cup of white chocolate while watching a tear jerker…Talking of movies, I love the ‘Christian Bitches’ and i cant wait to watch Season 2..Mercy Orengo, thanks for telling me about the Christian Bitches…Indeed, they are Christian bitches…To tell you the truth, I wonder if people ever change or its just a front they put on for people to think they have changed….Amanda is now convinced that her high school neighbors never changed.

I hate to think how their lives have been if they have lived in that Dallas neighborhood all their life…It must have been boring..That is why I hated the idea of schooling at our district in high school, college, work there and eventually get married there…I am not such an explorer but so far so good and more is coming..I will let you in when I become an international tourist..

It was not one of my New Year’s resolutions but before the end of the year, I want to have travelled a lot…. Travelling makes life all exciting ….

Who is a bitch?

I am at a point where I feel like I need to do something out of this world. Not to get the attention of anybody, just for the heck of it!! The other day, I updated my facebook status that I will start becoming bitchy and my friends thought I had smoked some bad stuff. One particular friend, told me that bitches are ran over by trucks and I couldnt help but laugh, really!! Talking of bitches and being bitchy, what qualifies one to be a bitch? Is going for what you want part of being bitchy? Just wondering…

Is dressing the part being bitchy, is talking your mind bitchy? Someone give me the definition of being bitchy because the word bitch can have a hell lot of meanings…Me thinks its all about the dictionary you use, ha ha ha ha!! I think being a bitch is stepping on other people’s toes without caring whether they will feel pain or not. 

The other day there was this discussion about short dresses and skirts and I thought to myself, why wont these men just let us be…I love my skirts short but just slightly above the knee and not any higher. So it left me wondering, cant we show our sexy legs? I thought sexy is being proud of your body, somebody correct me…. The last time I checked, it was a free world, dress in what makes your heart tick. Some tights, a long top and some killer boots will do the trick for me in this weather…And for my out of this world thingy, I am getting me a nice pair of boots and a cute skirt…Yeah, boots could be so normal for you, yes, you but for me its not normal, I have never done boots and short skirts and I am thinking, they could make my heart tick again…

Dont I just love the woman I am turning out to be…

I slept in a curtainless windowed room and the look of stars at night was just amazing. I just loved the way stars and the little light from the moon looked like. It must be amazing to sleep under the stars, literally! And then I had a long drive in the grassland, I managed to see some zebras and i thought how amazing it would be to have such long drives in the morning while listening to some cool music while sipping your most favorite drink. I was the passenger for the better part of the journey but at some point I also got to drive and to tell you the truth I enjoyed the experience. I have never driven a car and it felt like a child with her first toy. 


It was kinda scary but my driver friend  was really helpful, he told me for somebody who has never touched a steering wheel, I was doing good and yaaay!! I am so proud of myself…another friend told me that when she puts her mind on doing something she makes sure she gets well. I hope she gets to read this..I was not  even thinking about driving today and not even anytime soon but when I was given the challenge, something told me, why not? I drove for around two to three kilometers but the best thing is that there were not so many cars on the road…For starter thats good, my driver friend tells me I should train on the highway but to be on the safer side, open grounds and deserted roads will work just fine for me. And to tell you I enjoyed the moments is an understatement! I will be trying it again soonest and I just cant wait! 

ION I cant wait to have my hair done today…It feels like a year since I saw my salonist. So, can we all have lovely Saturdays and while at it, make somebody’s day…


What I still don’t know up to now is why I still think about you. I don’t know why I keep mentioning you in my prayers. I don’t know why I keep seeing you everywhere I go, I just don’t know. You know what I hate the most, that I am still in love in you. I HATE THAT I LOVE YOU. It’s like an obsession, it’s like you are my favorite drug, that I have to have even when I know it’s bad for my health, yes my health, for my heart. Just like crack addicts keep promising themselves that they will stop smoking crack, I keep promising myself that I will stop thinking about you. I just can’t, you don’t know how many times I have promised myself a gift if a day will pass without you crossing my mind but I still do. Every time I see your name my heart skips a beat, I get butterflies in my stomach, it is like the first time you offered me a glass of juice as I was seated on the stairs getting some afternoon sun. I still remember that initially I had declined the offer but after you insisted I agreed. The glass of juice was the start of good things to come and bad things in between. The hot chocolates and cookies every evening after college, some nice Michael Jackson Music and oohh! your good humor. I hated our silly break ups but I loved the make ups.

I should still be suffering from puppy love but I guess I want to suffer from it all my life. The only tragedy is that I am my own prisoner. I can’t seem to be making a head or a tail about where I am headed to. I am so stagnant, thanks to this puppy love, sometimes its sucks… It kills me inside that you are in somebody else’s arms, too unfortunate I can’t do a thing about it. The much I have done have yielded nothing, so I am leaving it just the way it is…Wait! Am I giving up on you? Not yet…But what I don’t understand is, why I am still holding on to it. I am a very impatient person, I give up at the sight of the slightest disappointment but this, this, I am still hoping, crossing both my fingers and my toes until they are painful and literally praying that I will have you back. I guess, no, I am sure that I am still in love with you. I know I should have moved on like yesterday but there is just something that still keeps holding me back. I HATE THAT I STILL LOVE YOU!  I have dreamt with you a million times and every time I wake up, I want to hold on to those dreams for the rest of my life. Never to wake, to always dream with you. Like yester night I had a dream, I dreamt tasting your lips, they tasted so sweet, the warmth of your breath on my neck was just heavenly, and it felt heavenly good to hold you….*alarm rings* and I woke up….

I miss waking up to your handsome face, to your sweet lips ad to the rhythm of your heartbeat…I miss, no , I miss you is an understatement!! If there was a stronger word I would have used it, just to let you know how much I miss you. I miss kissing you in the morning, adjusting your tie every now and then and just the smell of your cologne on my clothes after I had hugged you goodbye. I miss your kisses on my forehead. I miss you. I miss your tight hugs at night, every time you turned you had to hug me from the back and every time I turned I would hug you from the back. With my hand on your heart, I would listen to your heartbeat until I would drift to sleep. I miss you, I miss you so much.

Every time I prepare mashed beans and rice, it always reminds of you. I loved it when you prepared it for us. Omelette and rice, mmhh…I can still remember how better it tasted every time u would prepare it. God knows I am still so much in love with you…call me love sick, call me whatever, but I want you back…I want you back into my life, to awaken my almost dead heart, to awaken my dead feelings, I need you back.  You might never read this and in the event you do, just know that I am still waiting for you. Know that I am still in love with you.  I know I should get a life and let you be but it’s just hard. Somebody tell him to read this, somebody tell him that I am still in love with him. I guess what they say is right, that you never stop loving somebody, that you only learn to live without them….I have not stopped loving you…. I might never stop loving you….yes, I STILL LOVE YOU….I STILL LOVE YOU SO MUCH….

Come back to me, come and take me away, to a far off place where we make love in the clouds…where we can watch the sun come up and go down just the two of us….come back my love, my hands are open for you…come baby come…..I miss you….I miss you so much……

Snares of death…so strong…

My mum’s cousin just passed away a few days ago and it is too unfortunate I did not attend his funeral. He was once a doctor, mark my words, I said a doctor. In fact he was a surgeon. My sentiments are, even with all the lives he had saved his whole life he could not save himself from the snares of death. Just like the Kiswahili saying, kinyozi hajinyoi kisogo, I came to realize that death is one of the most powerful forces that we can never save ourselves from. Remember how ambulance pilots fly people to hospitals to have their lives saved, how ambulance drivers defy traffic rules to get people to hospitals in time just to save their lives….You get the drift, that when death knocks at your door, there is nothing much you can do to get yourself out of its snares. It doesn’t matter whether you used to be the ‘savior’ or not, it will take you anyway

You remember the Australian scientist who was stung by a poisonous fish, he had spent his whole life studying the fish, the aquatic life in general but when he was stung by the same fish he had been studying.  Even with all the knowledge he could not save his life. Had he been given a chance, maybe he would have given the prescription of drugs that would have saved his life

First Aid instructors spend most of their lives teaching people on what to do in the event of an accident. More often than not, you find that even with all the knowledge, they are never able to save themselves. Some may choke on food, drinks or find themselves in tricky situations only the grace of God can get them out.

Even the most skillful driver sometimes finds himself in a tricky situation and after the accident, you look at what caused the accident and his death and you can’t find an answer. Reason being, death is more powerful than any of us can fathom.

Scientists spend their whole lives studying diseases, their causes, how they can be prevented and their cures but at the end of the day, you find that they may end up dying of the same diseases that they were studying.

Bottom line is, live life like there’s no tomorrow. Share as much as possible; help as much as you can because when death knocks on your door, you will not have a chance to do all the things that you would have wanted to do. There might be second chances in this life but they don’t always happen. So, take first chances as the only chances and do good, love like you have never been heartbroken, life is too short to live on yester years, on yesterday’s heartbreaks.

Its hard to let go of the heartbreaks because, they leave you all in pieces and wondering whether you will ever be whole again.  . Mend the pieces and soldier on!! It a short life, live it to the fullest!!! It’s been my motto from the start of the year and I am seeing the fruits already….I am gaining my chubby cheeks back not to mention my glowing face! He he he….